Forever Thankful

You know, I've been reading this blog I happen to accidentally stumble across on another friend's page. It's about a fellow USMC spouse (I know I'm not officially a spouse yet, but in my mind I am) who I've never met but have become completely entranced in her page. She talks about finding love, settling into the Marine Corps life, only to have her love taken away from her while he was deployed. I have to admit, I had three nightmares (yes, three!) the night that I first started following her.  I have to also confess that, in the past, I never thought much about the future Mr. deploying. Oh, sure, I knew it'd happen one day...possibly one day in the next couple years, but it never hit close enough for me to start feeling any sort of anxiety over it. My only comments have been, " just go before you knock me up!". I'll be damned if he leaves me alone with my cravings...

But lately I've been finding myself thinking about it a lot. I try to actually put myself in the situation. Sometimes I think that I can handle a 6-8 month deployment since the first year and a half of our relationship was spent drastically long distance. But I know it doesn't compare..not one bit. I have a few girlfriends whose spouses are in the military..in a month or two all three will have their men overseas, fighting and putting their lives at risk for ours. I can't say "how do they do it"...because I do. They are strong. They are strong supporters and believers in their men. They do it because they have to. Because now it's who they are and what they are proud of. One day I will be able to relate to them. Until then, I am just a girl who moved across the country and is trying her best to adjust and to fit in.  I am a girl in love with the future Mr. and I am thankful every day for him. Words cannot describe him without me starting to tear up.  He's definitely mastered the Pulling at Lauren's Heart Strings...Oorah, future Mr. Devil Dog.

Those who know me know that I am pretty darn close to my family.  I come from a family consisting of my parents and my three sisters. Two of which have blessed me with 4 nieces and nephews...so far! I miss them like crazy. All of them.  One sister lives down south with her kids and I wonder all the time what she is up to (she is uber hard to get in touch with! Jeesh..) I have one who uprooted to ENGLAND with her hubby and baby (at the time)  about 5-6 years ago. Without a house phone here it is impossible to call her, so I keep tabs by stalking her facebook (though she rarely gets on and when she does her status is vague..like it's an inside comment that only she knows). Though, I do appreciate the tidbits of information I hear about my beautiful niece :)   Then there is my little sister (22..not so little, I guess) and my parents who still live back in good ol' Virginia. I talk to my mom quite often, I'd say about 3-5 times a week at least. If you count emails, then every day. When I start to miss them tremendously I just think, "one more month until you get to visit them..hang in there!"(since I am back and forth a lot, especially in this wedding planning period!). 


I miss my east coast friends dearly.  I like to call them my Sex and the City girls because I can divide them up just so! I won't call out who's who, but they know who they are! I miss having them close by. Moving out here, across the country, is definitely no piece of cake. Sure, it has it's positives..many, in fact! But what I can't easily get out here are friends like the ones I left behind. I hate that term "left behind" but that's what it feels like. I am no longer IN their lives. I don't get to see my good friend's baby grow up..I don't get to call my Water Buffalo (and I'm her sasquatch..not even sure HOW we came up with those names! lol) and invite her out to karaoke on a whim, or go to our weekly Fridays buffalo wing night or whatever else we would conjure up. Even though my life long friend moved to Richmond a few years back I miss having her just close ENOUGH where we could at least plan a weekend to get together..whether she come up here or I go there. Those are just a few examples of what I will miss. If I continued, I could go on for hours. Days,even!

I don't know..I've made SOME friends here, but sometimes I feel they're my friends by default. They started off as Matt's friends. And sometimes I feel, because this certain group of friends are so close, that I am only warmly welcomed because they love Matt. Would they accept me on my own merit? I rarely see "newcomers" enter the picture, and if they do it's not for long. And I don't like getting that feeling. Like it's a private club where unless you are invited you cannot join.  Only some days do I feel that way. Other days, when I'm more optimistic and not as cynical, that feeling is just a whisper. But regardless of what the realness of the matter is, I do really like them. The girls have welcomed me, whether it's "me" or "Matt's fiance" they welcome, I can't be sure. But they're sweet, sometimes fiesty, but a riot to be around. I look forward to getting to know everyone better. Who knows, maybe I'm just being insecure and just assuming things (you know what they say about when you assume..). 


I also want to acknowledge one last group of people who entered my mind tonight. I am super thankful for what is to come in my near future. I am proud and excited to accept Matt's family into my own. They seem so carefree (and if they are NOT exactly carefree then they sure do know how to carry on with life as if they are so..which I admire). They quickly accepted me into their lives and will soon gladly accept me as their future daughter/sister/aunt/cousin/friend. I am so thankful for them, and for being a happy part of Matt's life. Without all of them, Matt wouldn't be who he is today. And we all know I love him with all my heart. So a special "thank you" :)