Taking Steps in 2014

Life With Baby

Things have been pretty busy in the K household! As most of you know, my baby is now 9.5 months! When did that happen?! She is cuter than ever and learning something new every day!

At 9 months she is crawling, cruising very smoothly (walking along furniture) , she is pinching (not my favorite milestone lol), she just started waving, is learning kissy noises, says "Baba" meaning "Dada"and is getting more opinionated by the day.

She's a very serious and thoughtful baby and at times a little hard to please, especially if we are out in public. I know this may sound strange but I sometimes get a sense she is wiser beyond her time here on Earth and feel she can see right into my soul. Something about the way she stares and when you make eye contact there's a certain connection. Like she knows. As to what she knows, I'm not certain. It's the only way I can describe these moments. 

 She is a people watcher just like her momma. She will stare anyone down but as soon as they approach and try to touch her feet or tickle her cheeks she doesn't hesitate to let them know her bubble is being popped (ok I don't do that..I just people-watch lol). She likes to come to you. In her own time she warms up..it can be 30 seconds...it can be 3 hours. I'm hoping her daddy's outgoing and fearless personality will rub off on her. I personally grew up very shy which triggered anxiety. I still feel that anxiety to this day in my life and I hate it. 

Matt leaves for another float very soon and I am dreading it (as usual). We were hoping she would take at least a few steps for him to see in person, but it looks like that will have to be put on hold until the homecoming. I'll have to make sure to have some handy dandy recording device around me at all times so I can share some of the milestones with him while he is away. This float is a shorter one than the last (yay!) but they still stink. 

The New Biz

With the new year I started my own business venture in photography!! Matt likes to refer to it as a hobby to keep it light and fun and not overwhelm me with the seriousness of the word "business". It is a business that I do plan on taking very seriously, but I like the idea of reminding myself this is something I am supposed to keep loving. So far, so good!

I named it Fairy Dust Photography because I was inspired by a particular photo I took of Savannah in her Cinderella dress for Halloween. I was going back and forth for a couple months between my name, her name, a combination of our names and after editing that photo of her it just came to me. It reminded me of the quote, "All it takes is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust" from Peter Pan. Everyone who knows me knows that I love Disney and love fairytales. When I think "fairytales" I envision soft, dusty colors. I see whimsy. I see light and airy. I also see the other side of the story which is the dark and dramatic side. I see bold. I see heavy. Fairy Dust Photography probably sounds like a "strictly baby" genre, and it may turn out that that is the majority of my client base, but I offer couples, families, boudoir, watch-me-grows, maternity and homecomings. My dream goal is to photograph a birth! (That will all depend on Matt being home in case I have to leave in the middle of the night). If you haven't already, please feel free to check my Facebook page!
 Fairy Dust Photography FB page
I also created a web page (I know, so official! :D) Fairy Dust Photography website

The decision to start a business was definitely a scary one for me. It's such a vulnerable position for me to be in: having people judge you and your work. I always think, "what if they hate their photos?" and "did I do enough?". Matt being my biggest supporter says that's a great mindset to have because it means I will always strive to do better. How can that be a bad thing? lol He's right. I just don't want it to affect what I think I am worth, photographer-wise.  Being shy I have the slight anxiety of meeting new people. With years of working in the service industry I've gotten pretty decent at forcing myself to be outgoing (which the real inside Me is) from the moment I shake hands and introduce myself.  I am hoping with time and gaining more confidence in my work and experience the rest will follow suit.  But for now, the New- Kid-In-The-Class feeling aside, I love it.  I love learning about my camera. I love meeting new people and their families. I love getting to spend time in beautiful locations. I love post session editing. Slowly but surely I am booking more clients and I am so excited for what this year has to bring! (hopefully more adorable props HAHA!)   :) 

With Matt being gone I am stuck with the challenge of what to do with Savannah. On the weekends he has been amazing at pushing me out the door to do sessions so he can also have his one-on-one time with his baby. With him away over the next 2 months it's going to be a little harder setting something up because I don't want to burden my friends with watching my sometimes hard to please child. I know everything will work out because I do have friends that have stepped forward and offer to help out, but it's still hard for me to accept help. 

Ok, I know I probably sound like a Negative Nancy...but I just wanted to get my fears and insecurities out of the way and off my mind. Here are some extra pluses to end this on a happy and confident note! :

             - I am finally doing something for myself. While I love being a SAHM to Savannah, I think       it's good for me to take that time to do something that I love. To do something that can make me feel like Lauren (along with being Mommy and Wife) .

             -Hopes of helping set a good work ethic example for Sav             

             - A little extra money never hurts

             - Said extra money will support my obsession with baby props lol ;) 

             - Doing this forces me to get out and explore the island more! 

How is everyone starting off their new year? Still staying true to your resolutions?! :D 

Any advice/tips on starting a business, juggling being mom/wife/individual/photographer? Any and all is appreciated! 

(ps. Sorry if this post seems a little scattered..I've had to start and stop numerous times due to a very curious kiddo in the room!)

             

A Few Of My Favorite Things

A few of my favorite things..

It's amazing how the littlest of features can create the biggest feeling of love in our hearts. Her little toes call out to be kissed at least once a day. Her tiny ears hear me sing to her and tell her that I love her. Those sweet little hands stroke my face and, while be it painful, grab my cheeks to pull my face in closer so her tiny lips can give me a big and sloppy kiss. :)

It has been six months since I labored for 10.5 hours with Savannah. Six. Whole. Months. (I know.."only six months" some would say..) Time is flying faster than I would like it to. While it's wonderful and amazing to see just how much she grows and changes on a daily basis, it's a constant reminder that she is not the little peanut who just loved to sleep in my arms and eat, eat, eat. (And sleep some more). I am holding her less and less these days now that she is discovering her newfound love of independence and playing with her toys on the floor. She wants me for snacks and a quick meal but then quickly will unlatch, look at me and smile, look around and want back down. I love that she is growing into her own person (ya!), but, it's bittersweet that me being her sole need is over.

Since Matt has been home (when she just turned 4.5mo) she has thrived into a little thing who likes to rock on all fours, "crawl" in her own way to toys (and the dog's toys) , and put everything she can grab into her mouth (and I mean everything. Socks..waste basket tag..water bottles..you name it). She has tried peas and bananas for the first time ever and made a gag face every time for both.(<-- I think her gag reflexes are still sensitive so I haven't ruled them as foods she does not like...yet).

She squeals. She grunts. She drools. She kicks. She gives happy wiggles. She pulls on hair. She finds delight in the pups. She also has said her first word: Mama! (or mamamama when she is extra upset!) By the way..letting her try to cry it out is near impossible (ok..impossible) when her little voice is crying out for you. It pulls at these big ol' heart strings of mine. I just can't do it!

Her six month half-birthday landed on the same day as the Marine Corps Ball that we were attending. We didn't really celebrate but I took some pictures of her that morning wearing my pearls and cute floral bloomers. They came our really well, I think!

Leaving her for the first time ever wasn't as bad as I was preparing myself for it to be. I thought for sure my anxiety would be through the roof. But, I had a friend I trusted come over to watch her. I had a glass of wine while getting ready. When we left the house Savannah was in decent spirits and playing on the floor. My friend sent us pictures and updates throughout the night which really helped me relax and trust that everything was okay. I wasn't so worried about the safety of Savannah and if she was okay, but I was anxiety-ridden that she was going to fuss and cry the whole night  making it absolutely miserable for both parties. But, everything was great! Matt and I had a wonderful time celebrating the Marine Corps' birthday..we drank a little, had a big dinner, caught a couple songs the DJ played before heading out..It was much needed for both of us. Then we rushed home excited to see our cuddly creatures.

***

Now that I have gushed about some of the things that I absolutely love and adore about her..I'll be real for a second..it's not always a cake walk. The wonderful by far outweighs the struggle..but a struggle is still a struggle and they're never easy.  She is increasingly forgetting that she used to like going to bed by 8:30pm (leaving me with a couple hours to just be Lauren..not Mom). Now, she is back to midnight bedtimes. Still, she is sleeping through the night for the most part (sometimes she is up again around 1:30 needing to be nursed to go back to sleep) but I'm sure now that I've said it, she will be up all night this whole week (isn't that how this whole parent jinxing thing works?!). She is going through sort of a stranger-danger/new place anxiety phase. If she hasn't had a nap and doesn't have a full tummy then it's safe to say she will have a meltdown where we are at and be absolutely inconsolable. The only thing that has worked in the past was to strap her in her stroller and just rock it back and forth or make our way to the car where we will sit alone until she latches on (which could take 10 or so minutes depending on her level of fussiness) and then eat until she falls asleep.  It's exhausting having a baby who is so upset and not understand why or how you can easily fix the problem. Then, the hormones kick in...when she is that upset..especially in public..I start to get hot and I'll start to sweat. Anxiety takes over which I know never helps the situation. I have left the commissary or the BX near tears just completely overwhelmed with the fact my baby has been crying and crying for over 20 minutes and nothing I did would calm her down. But like every other hurdle...you pass it and move on to the next day in hopes (big hopes) everyone is relaxed and happy and loving life! (which, she normally does..but like every baby she has her moments). So, at the moment that's my biggest hurdle with her: the public meltdowns. I have been working hard at making sure she naps when she is showing signs she is tired, which is usually darkness under her eyes and her rubbing her ears.  I make sure she is full when we leave the house and I say a prayer when taking her out of the car seat going inside somewhere that she will be content and happy lol. It's always a coin toss.

Aside from that, she really is a good baby. I feel very lucky and blessed every single day..easy or hard.

So that's little Savannah. Miss Independent. Miss Personality with the expressive facial expressions. Miss Cutie Pants.
And speaking of naps and saying "mamama", little beauty is now awake and crying out for me. Donning my mom-cape and going to her rescue....
Until next time... XOXO