Taking Steps in 2014

Life With Baby

Things have been pretty busy in the K household! As most of you know, my baby is now 9.5 months! When did that happen?! She is cuter than ever and learning something new every day!

At 9 months she is crawling, cruising very smoothly (walking along furniture) , she is pinching (not my favorite milestone lol), she just started waving, is learning kissy noises, says "Baba" meaning "Dada"and is getting more opinionated by the day.

She's a very serious and thoughtful baby and at times a little hard to please, especially if we are out in public. I know this may sound strange but I sometimes get a sense she is wiser beyond her time here on Earth and feel she can see right into my soul. Something about the way she stares and when you make eye contact there's a certain connection. Like she knows. As to what she knows, I'm not certain. It's the only way I can describe these moments. 

 She is a people watcher just like her momma. She will stare anyone down but as soon as they approach and try to touch her feet or tickle her cheeks she doesn't hesitate to let them know her bubble is being popped (ok I don't do that..I just people-watch lol). She likes to come to you. In her own time she warms up..it can be 30 seconds...it can be 3 hours. I'm hoping her daddy's outgoing and fearless personality will rub off on her. I personally grew up very shy which triggered anxiety. I still feel that anxiety to this day in my life and I hate it. 

Matt leaves for another float very soon and I am dreading it (as usual). We were hoping she would take at least a few steps for him to see in person, but it looks like that will have to be put on hold until the homecoming. I'll have to make sure to have some handy dandy recording device around me at all times so I can share some of the milestones with him while he is away. This float is a shorter one than the last (yay!) but they still stink. 

The New Biz

With the new year I started my own business venture in photography!! Matt likes to refer to it as a hobby to keep it light and fun and not overwhelm me with the seriousness of the word "business". It is a business that I do plan on taking very seriously, but I like the idea of reminding myself this is something I am supposed to keep loving. So far, so good!

I named it Fairy Dust Photography because I was inspired by a particular photo I took of Savannah in her Cinderella dress for Halloween. I was going back and forth for a couple months between my name, her name, a combination of our names and after editing that photo of her it just came to me. It reminded me of the quote, "All it takes is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust" from Peter Pan. Everyone who knows me knows that I love Disney and love fairytales. When I think "fairytales" I envision soft, dusty colors. I see whimsy. I see light and airy. I also see the other side of the story which is the dark and dramatic side. I see bold. I see heavy. Fairy Dust Photography probably sounds like a "strictly baby" genre, and it may turn out that that is the majority of my client base, but I offer couples, families, boudoir, watch-me-grows, maternity and homecomings. My dream goal is to photograph a birth! (That will all depend on Matt being home in case I have to leave in the middle of the night). If you haven't already, please feel free to check my Facebook page!
 Fairy Dust Photography FB page
I also created a web page (I know, so official! :D) Fairy Dust Photography website

The decision to start a business was definitely a scary one for me. It's such a vulnerable position for me to be in: having people judge you and your work. I always think, "what if they hate their photos?" and "did I do enough?". Matt being my biggest supporter says that's a great mindset to have because it means I will always strive to do better. How can that be a bad thing? lol He's right. I just don't want it to affect what I think I am worth, photographer-wise.  Being shy I have the slight anxiety of meeting new people. With years of working in the service industry I've gotten pretty decent at forcing myself to be outgoing (which the real inside Me is) from the moment I shake hands and introduce myself.  I am hoping with time and gaining more confidence in my work and experience the rest will follow suit.  But for now, the New- Kid-In-The-Class feeling aside, I love it.  I love learning about my camera. I love meeting new people and their families. I love getting to spend time in beautiful locations. I love post session editing. Slowly but surely I am booking more clients and I am so excited for what this year has to bring! (hopefully more adorable props HAHA!)   :) 

With Matt being gone I am stuck with the challenge of what to do with Savannah. On the weekends he has been amazing at pushing me out the door to do sessions so he can also have his one-on-one time with his baby. With him away over the next 2 months it's going to be a little harder setting something up because I don't want to burden my friends with watching my sometimes hard to please child. I know everything will work out because I do have friends that have stepped forward and offer to help out, but it's still hard for me to accept help. 

Ok, I know I probably sound like a Negative Nancy...but I just wanted to get my fears and insecurities out of the way and off my mind. Here are some extra pluses to end this on a happy and confident note! :

             - I am finally doing something for myself. While I love being a SAHM to Savannah, I think       it's good for me to take that time to do something that I love. To do something that can make me feel like Lauren (along with being Mommy and Wife) .

             -Hopes of helping set a good work ethic example for Sav             

             - A little extra money never hurts

             - Said extra money will support my obsession with baby props lol ;) 

             - Doing this forces me to get out and explore the island more! 

How is everyone starting off their new year? Still staying true to your resolutions?! :D 

Any advice/tips on starting a business, juggling being mom/wife/individual/photographer? Any and all is appreciated! 

(ps. Sorry if this post seems a little scattered..I've had to start and stop numerous times due to a very curious kiddo in the room!)

             

A Few Of My Favorite Things

A few of my favorite things..

It's amazing how the littlest of features can create the biggest feeling of love in our hearts. Her little toes call out to be kissed at least once a day. Her tiny ears hear me sing to her and tell her that I love her. Those sweet little hands stroke my face and, while be it painful, grab my cheeks to pull my face in closer so her tiny lips can give me a big and sloppy kiss. :)

It has been six months since I labored for 10.5 hours with Savannah. Six. Whole. Months. (I know.."only six months" some would say..) Time is flying faster than I would like it to. While it's wonderful and amazing to see just how much she grows and changes on a daily basis, it's a constant reminder that she is not the little peanut who just loved to sleep in my arms and eat, eat, eat. (And sleep some more). I am holding her less and less these days now that she is discovering her newfound love of independence and playing with her toys on the floor. She wants me for snacks and a quick meal but then quickly will unlatch, look at me and smile, look around and want back down. I love that she is growing into her own person (ya!), but, it's bittersweet that me being her sole need is over.

Since Matt has been home (when she just turned 4.5mo) she has thrived into a little thing who likes to rock on all fours, "crawl" in her own way to toys (and the dog's toys) , and put everything she can grab into her mouth (and I mean everything. Socks..waste basket tag..water bottles..you name it). She has tried peas and bananas for the first time ever and made a gag face every time for both.(<-- I think her gag reflexes are still sensitive so I haven't ruled them as foods she does not like...yet).

She squeals. She grunts. She drools. She kicks. She gives happy wiggles. She pulls on hair. She finds delight in the pups. She also has said her first word: Mama! (or mamamama when she is extra upset!) By the way..letting her try to cry it out is near impossible (ok..impossible) when her little voice is crying out for you. It pulls at these big ol' heart strings of mine. I just can't do it!

Her six month half-birthday landed on the same day as the Marine Corps Ball that we were attending. We didn't really celebrate but I took some pictures of her that morning wearing my pearls and cute floral bloomers. They came our really well, I think!

Leaving her for the first time ever wasn't as bad as I was preparing myself for it to be. I thought for sure my anxiety would be through the roof. But, I had a friend I trusted come over to watch her. I had a glass of wine while getting ready. When we left the house Savannah was in decent spirits and playing on the floor. My friend sent us pictures and updates throughout the night which really helped me relax and trust that everything was okay. I wasn't so worried about the safety of Savannah and if she was okay, but I was anxiety-ridden that she was going to fuss and cry the whole night  making it absolutely miserable for both parties. But, everything was great! Matt and I had a wonderful time celebrating the Marine Corps' birthday..we drank a little, had a big dinner, caught a couple songs the DJ played before heading out..It was much needed for both of us. Then we rushed home excited to see our cuddly creatures.

***

Now that I have gushed about some of the things that I absolutely love and adore about her..I'll be real for a second..it's not always a cake walk. The wonderful by far outweighs the struggle..but a struggle is still a struggle and they're never easy.  She is increasingly forgetting that she used to like going to bed by 8:30pm (leaving me with a couple hours to just be Lauren..not Mom). Now, she is back to midnight bedtimes. Still, she is sleeping through the night for the most part (sometimes she is up again around 1:30 needing to be nursed to go back to sleep) but I'm sure now that I've said it, she will be up all night this whole week (isn't that how this whole parent jinxing thing works?!). She is going through sort of a stranger-danger/new place anxiety phase. If she hasn't had a nap and doesn't have a full tummy then it's safe to say she will have a meltdown where we are at and be absolutely inconsolable. The only thing that has worked in the past was to strap her in her stroller and just rock it back and forth or make our way to the car where we will sit alone until she latches on (which could take 10 or so minutes depending on her level of fussiness) and then eat until she falls asleep.  It's exhausting having a baby who is so upset and not understand why or how you can easily fix the problem. Then, the hormones kick in...when she is that upset..especially in public..I start to get hot and I'll start to sweat. Anxiety takes over which I know never helps the situation. I have left the commissary or the BX near tears just completely overwhelmed with the fact my baby has been crying and crying for over 20 minutes and nothing I did would calm her down. But like every other hurdle...you pass it and move on to the next day in hopes (big hopes) everyone is relaxed and happy and loving life! (which, she normally does..but like every baby she has her moments). So, at the moment that's my biggest hurdle with her: the public meltdowns. I have been working hard at making sure she naps when she is showing signs she is tired, which is usually darkness under her eyes and her rubbing her ears.  I make sure she is full when we leave the house and I say a prayer when taking her out of the car seat going inside somewhere that she will be content and happy lol. It's always a coin toss.

Aside from that, she really is a good baby. I feel very lucky and blessed every single day..easy or hard.

So that's little Savannah. Miss Independent. Miss Personality with the expressive facial expressions. Miss Cutie Pants.
And speaking of naps and saying "mamama", little beauty is now awake and crying out for me. Donning my mom-cape and going to her rescue....
Until next time... XOXO

Time Flies When You're In Love

So I am sitting down taking a moment to myself (very rare) and looking through all the pictures on my phone, starting from the day Savannah was born. I cannot believe that she is already four months old this Saturday (the 7th). It's so crazy just how fast time is flying! One minute she is seven weeks old and her daddy is deploying with the MEU..the next I am looking at a not-so-tiny infant who is smiling, rolling, scooting, sucking fingers, grabbing at toys and pulling herself up into a standing position on my lap. Four months old.

This little baby amazes me every day.  I have mornings that start at 2am. I hear her cry and I am immediately annoyed and in a fog. I grumpily drag myself out of bed praying the dogs stay put and don't want to take that opportunity to go out. Then I stand over her bassinet and look in. The resentment and grumpiness melts away. My heart fills with mush all over again and I quietly talk to her while I change her diaper. I cherish the quiet morning hours I can cuddle her in bed while giving her the opportunity to nurse. It's her favorite thing. She passes out almost immediately. She just wanted the comfort of her mama and it's hard to get mad at that! 

Matt has been gone since June 25th and surprisingly we are holding up really well. When he is gone I sort of go into a daze and one day melts into another. Most of the time I can't even tell you what day it is because I just don't even worry about days until I start my countdown to homecoming. We now have about a month, give or take, and I am getting those butterflies again. That's probably the only perk to deployments: the homecoming butterflies. 

Since he has been gone Savannah and I have gone through sleepless nights. We have gone through a growth spurt or two (unfortunately that includes both of us..). We have changed a million diapers..sometimes in the dark. I've gotten pretty good at that! We have ventured to the movies which she is so well-behaved at! All it takes is a boppy, the lights out, and a boob within reach lol We have let the house go to shambles. Then I clean clean clean. Savannah has decided to give herself a bed time all on her own, and that's usually 8:40ish when she starts getting tired. Mommy gets a couple hours each night to just sit. Sit and not worry about a thing, really. Savannah has learned to roll from tummy to back and back to tummy. She has learned to soothe herself by sucking her thumb. Savannah has discovered her fingers and plays with them a lot. She likes them better than toys most of the time! She is learning the art of scooting: pulling her knees up under her and propelling herself forward..potentially giving herself rug burn on her face. She is interested in sitting up and now trying to pull herself up in a stand. She's wobbly, but she's strong. Once she learns that her hands can actually hold on to the edge of the Pack n' Play to hold herself up, she will be a pro in no time.  She likes when I sing her "Part of Your World" from the Little Mermaid. 

So you see what I mean when I say I am amazed at all the things she can do in the blink of an eye???
She is the best thing I ever did..aside from marrying her daddy. I cannot wait for him to get home. I know he misses her like crazy and is looking forward to seeing all she has learned.
Every sleepless night, prolonged healing, running on fumes and usually late, inability to hit a gym, melt down and half-ass meals is all worth it.  I would do it all over again (and plan on it!).
So, kiss your babies and fur babies. I'm kissing mine and taking advantage of every second of this sweet stage of their life. 

Recovery

In my opinion, post delivery recovery was worse than labor. No one warns you about some of the things you will experience. I did not spend my first day home just a little sore and a lot a bit tired. No. I felt like I got hit by a bus, a tractor and King Kong.

Every single muscle in my body hurt. Even my fingers. I guess that's where laboring for 9+ hours with no meds will get ya! I tried my hardest not to clench during contractions but let me tell you..it's hard!

I was exhausted as all get out. I got maybe 4 1/2 hours of sleep (total) at the hospital. For one, I was too excited after the delivery to sleep! And two, I had a newborn in the room with us where I was her source of food. There's no sleep when ya got a hungry 9lb baby!

My nipples felt like they were going to fall off. Due to some imperfect latches I got micro-cuts and at one point tiny blisters. It all got better after about 5 days..but those 5 days were full of tears every time i heard her cry for food. Lanolin ointment was a life saver.

The non-period period. Such a gross nuisance. Stock up on tons of maxi pads people!

The actual stitched up area wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I just felt pressure when I walked around. Witch hazel pads worked wonders for relief.

The cramping in the lower abdomen. Oh man was that a pain (literally). Every move I made my round ligament area really really hurt as well at my lower ab area, which I guess would have been my uterus shrinking. At one point I got worried about how much it all was hurting but I guess it was normal.

Baby blues. It happens to most. I cried at the drop of a hat. I couldn't even attempt to sing a song to Savannah without crying. Every time I thought of her growing up fast I would ball. I felt like I was in a funk a lot of the time. Finally around day 9 the blues cleared up and I was able to 110% enjoy this little bundle of cuteness. Not that I didn't enjoy and love her from the get go..I absolutely did. But feeling lousy and in pain and emotional...it's hard to see through that cloudiness sometimes.

At week 3 is when I finally started feeling completely human and not needing my Motrin 3x a day. Now, at 7 weeks, I feel great. My abs are still a little sore, but hey, that's going to happen when your muscles separate and then try to put themselves back together again.  Breast feeding still has it's ups and downs. I'm pretty sure I have a clogged duct at the moment which is pretty painful. Hopefully it works itself out soon. Other than that I feel like the old me again. An old me which is finding it hard to fit into my tops like I used to (the joys of breast feeding and bigger assets).  My feet don't hurt anymore. My knees don't hurt anymore. I can bend over without having to grab something to hold on to. I can finally sleep on my tummy again. The non-period period is gone (thank gawd) so no more wearing pads that can soak up the sea if need be. I can finally pick up my baby without wincing (ya, it took a week or two to be able to do that..). 

All I have to say is: thank goodness for Matt and him being a wonderful daddy and husband. He took care of me like no other. For the first week he changed every single diaper. I may have changed a few but he volunteered to do 99% of it. He cooked for me. He brought me water. He walked the dogs. He got up to get a crying Savannah to bring her to me to nurse so I didn't have to strain myself. Without him I wouldn't have gotten through the baby blues as fast as I did.

When I get pregnant again this will be what has me the most anxious: going through recovery all over again. Not gaining weight and feeling the discomforts of pregnancy. Not the labor or the delivery. But the recovery. Ugh.

Savannah's Birth Day

Meet Sweet Savannah...

The story of her birthday:

On Monday, May 6, I had my 40 week checkup which showed I was still not dilated and she was still high up in there. My doctor scheduled the induction date for the following week if she hasn't come by then. Scary thought! Matt and I were nervous about forcing things along and using pitocin (I've heard going on pitocin can increase your chances of having to get a cesarean). We went home that night feeling a little discouraged and anxious. We took a long walk with the dogs, I sat on an exercise ball instead of the couch, and followed a few other of the doctors recommendations. 

Sometime in the middle of the night I got up to pee and felt a little leak of fluid which I thought was discharge (sorry if TMI!) or that I peed myself a little (hey, when you're overdue it's bound to happen!).  I changed undies and went back to sleep.  I slept in and relaxed in bed until about 11, when I decided to get up so I can meet my friend Lauri for a Starbucks date. As soon as I stood up I felt a bigger leak and seriously thought I peed myself.  I went to the restroom and noticed there was pink on my undies so I called Matt to tell him that I possibly had my water break, then I called the nurse line at my clinic. She told me it definitely sounds like my water broke, and that it most likely broke initially during that midnight potty break! That means I had to get myself to the hospital pronto because it's been hours and I haven't felt any contractions yet. 

We checked in with labor and delivery triage around 12:30. That was not the most pleasant experience. In order to check to make sure my water did break they had to swab me but could not use gel for the speculum, as it could read a false positive. Ouch ouch ouch!  The lady checked me and said I was 1 maybe almost 2 cm dilated. Matt and I thought we were going home at that point..but nope! She told us I'm getting admitted as I'm in labor and my water broke hours ago. And apparently I was contracting (according to the monitor) but I didn't really notice the contractions. 

Once they brought me to my room they started me on pitocin right away (ugh). Let me tell you...pitocin is not fun. My natural contractions I was able to handle. As soon as the meds kicked in it got pretty brutal. There was no way I could lay down as the contractions were more uncomfortable that way! So I sat on a labor ball the majority of the time with the baby's heart monitors strapped around my belly (those are a huge pain...I hated them). Matt was awesome and would bring me popsicles, ice chips and he would rub my back or my hands to try to relax me.  A few hours went by and my midwife wanted to check me. I was 3cm dilated and I wanted to wait until I was past 4cm before considering the epidural. 

A few hours later I just could not handle the pressure anymore. My contractions were literally on top of each other. The nurse said I was having cluster contractions where I would have my long one then as soon as that dropped I immediately would have a short one. After less than a minute it'd start all over again. I guess they had the pitocin up all the way and eventually they decided my body has kicked in on labor stuff on it's own a while ago and is making contractions that much more intense. So, it's 10:15 and I say I want the epidural. The guy comes in, has me sit on the edge of the bed and that's when things got bad to worse for me. All of a sudden a gush of fluid released itself and a little part of me was worried it was blood (I've seen too many shows/movies where something went wrong haha) but I think it was just the rest of my water breaking. The contractions got even worse, which made it hard to sit still for the needle (but I did..I just shook the heck out of my feet and squeezed the nurses hands for dear life. Matt had to sit at the doctors request while the doc performed the epidural). At some point during the procedure I threw up my popsicles (lovely).  The needle was and everything was all set. Or so we thought. But then a contraction hit. And another. Getting more intense. It's about 10:30 and the epi doctor said he's going to give it another 10 minutes because it should have kicked in by then.  At that point the nurse decided to check me to see my progression and I was still at around 4-5cm. 

While waiting for the 10 minutes to pass the contractions got stronger. Finally, the epi doc had me roll to my side and he pulled the epidural out just a little to readjust. It's about 10:40/10:45. Just then my midwife walked in and said she wanted to check me herself. As soon as I scooted down for the check the meds finally kicked in (thank you Jesus!). That's when she said "okay, looks like you're good to go". Matt and I look at her like, 'what?' and she says "you're 10cm. You're going to start pushing now". We immediately said, "no I'm not ready!". lol I mean, that was a big moment! I wasn't prepared to push because 1.) just minutes ago I was 4-5cm, and 2.) the meds just kicked in...what if I wasn't numb "down there" yet?!  But I put on my big girl panties and started pushing...

I have to say...the pushing was the easiest part of the whole labor process! I felt good for the first time in 9 hours. I could breath. I could joke in between pushes. Matt actually looked down there while I'd be pushing and be amazed that they could all see baby girl's head already and with lots of dark hair to boot! He jokes that there was a little pony tail. 

Savannah Grace was born 11:22pm weighing 9.05lbs. Big girl!  I'm amazed and thankful I was able to deliver her the way I wanted to with no complications (aside from my blood pressure being high during labor). There was some tearing which required me getting stitches. I try not to think about it because it still freaks me out. 7 weeks later I feel back to normal..but still..it's an icky thought! 

It's amazing to think that for almost 10 months Matt and I have been daydreaming and planning for our little girl to arrive..and now she is here and we are even more in love than we could ever imagine. Every tiny thing she does we talk about like it's the most amazing thing on earth. I mean, who doesn't think their baby's spit bubbles aren't the cutest?! Or how they spread their little toesies when they're stretching? Or how adorable their tiny sneezes are? Oh the joys of parenthood..my how our lives have changed. And I love every second of it :) 

40 weeks + 3 days

33 Weeks and Counting

Today I am 33 whole weeks with child! That's 8mo +1wk! It's so crazy to think about. Reality is slowly but surely setting in.  In the beginning all you worry about is getting to that safe 13 week mark. After that you do what you can to make sure you and the baby remain healthy and look forward to that 20 week mark where you get that nice long ultrasound looking at the heart, feet, hands, head, tummy and even the sex, should you choose to find out!   After that appointment, you start to feel the kicks which nudge you to comprehend that , yes, there is in fact a real live baby in there and you don't have only ultrasound pictures to prove it!   After that, you focus on getting that registry completed and await the baby shower!  Get the nursery set up (or start to)...and then you think, "where has the time gone??".   It's flown.

Last weekend my friends here threw me a wonderful baby shower! It was very pink, dainty, plenty of great food and lots of love.  It was a bitter sweet day. Bitter in the sense that I couldn't have any of my family or close friends from back home there.  I've always imagined my mom being with me, my sisters by my side, my best friend sharing these experiences, my husband's sister..I can go on. But, this time around, just having them in my thoughts and heart would have to do. Maybe the next few babies we will have better luck ;)   The day was still very special and very sweet...I was honored and blessed to have friends here who took the time and love to make this day memorable. I remember sitting down after opening all of Savannah's gifts just thinking, "wow..this little girl is already so truly loved and she hasn't even been welcomed into the world yet".  It makes me so incredibly happy to see friend's and family's love and excitement for her.  I can't wait for her daddy to get home so he can see what I see. <3

Speaking of....

Matt gets home pretty soon from his deployment!! I am so thrilled to have him come home and share these last weeks of pregnancy.  I put the bedding in Savannah's crib the other night..which again..hit me with reality. A baby will be sleeping in there. I know him walking into her room will just blow him away.  Him being on a ship for weeks on end, I think it's easy for things to continue to feel surreal.  Obviously he knows he has a little girl on her way..and is so excited..but I think walking into a room and seeing her bed, her little baby shoes, bows, blankets, etc will just open up those eyes!

So, how has mommy been feeling lately?

- occasional heartburn..maybe a couple times a week the last 2 weeks for 5min-40min
- hands are pretty sore, especially at night, due to pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel (glad to hear it goes away)
- running out of breath more easily these days
- lower back and feet are hurting more frequently due to weight gain
- feet get puffy at times...really have to watch and make sure I drink plenty of water and elevate when I can to keep the swelling down
- round ligament pain, which has been a painful problem since week 6 , has finally subsided a lot! I can now go on walks with the dog around the base vs just around our circle
- oh...and I am tired...constantly.  The week 3rd trimester started I felt like I had mono. No matter how much rest I try to get I still feel so tired and unrested. I toss and turn a lot at night (which is a feat of it's own) and get up once or twice to pee..so, the broken sleep doesn't help.

That's about it!! I know reading it as a list it doesn't seem like pregnancy can be fun...but..to me this is nothing compared to what a lot of other women are experiencing on a constant basis..so I consider myself lucky. I consider these the "normal aches and pains".  I am enjoying it while I can. After all, I only have 4-7 weeks left until we get to meet this wiggly little creature inside me! (4 is when I am officially full term).

First Week Down

It's Sunday night which means tomorrow is the start of another week! While Matt left last Tuesday and it hasn't technically been a full week since he's been gone, I'm tackling this deployment on a week-by-week basic and it's always easier to start (and hate on) a Monday.

Things have been going pretty well, actually. I haven't had any pits of depression yet (though you never know with these hormones!) and the days seem to be going by pretty quickly, in my opinion. Of course I wish he was here...he's the one I love to laugh with! But having done this before recently, I put up certain walls and try to refuse to always think, "I wish he was here" and "this isn't funny without him". Mind you, it hasn't even been a whole week so it's easy for me to say things are great right now lol  But I just keep telling myself to get through this month and then I can officially start the Homecoming Countdown!

A perk being here by myself?  I get the whole bed to myself (well...I guess I share with the doggies)! That means I get all five pillows and I can toss and turn without trying to be quiet or still about it (and let's face it..I toss and turn constantly). 

I will admit that I did have one "I wish he was here to see this" moment: I felt Savannah hiccuping for the first time! After a while of feeling constant gurgling and then actually paying attention to the movements I noticed that there was a rhythmic pulsing in there. It wasn't kicking or squirming because it was too constant and keeping a beat. I found it to be really neat :)  On top of the hiccuping for another five minutes, I noticed that today she has been extra wiggly and squirmy! I can now tell when she is taking her little naps. I wonder if her sleep habits in the womb show what she will be like out here..because she is quiet throughout the night! I feel her now, up and about at 11pm, but as soon as I lay down she will be still until I get up out of bed around 8 or so..whenever the dogs get me up to take them out.

Happy Groundhog Day Weekend everyone..glad it looks like an early Spring for you state-siders! It definitely feels like Spring here being able to walk the dogs at night and in the morning in a tank top or t-shirt! Gotta love it! :)

Deployment Numero Dos

Well...time flew by like I thought and here we are back on another deployment. I dropped my honey off yesterday morning and since then I've just been hangin' at the house with the pups relaxing.  This deployment feels different than the last (talk to me in a couple weeks and see if I am still singin' this tune). The goodbye was much easier. I didn't cry this time around! I think we both know that, "hey, this trip is shorter than the last and what makes it awesome is that when Matt gets home it's almost baby time"!

This time around I have more friends I can reach out to and go out for coffee or treats or shopping if I need to get out of the doggie domain.

This time around I am comfortable driving and navigating the streets of Okinawa.

This time around we are more settled into our home.

This time around Scuttle is (for the most part) housebroken! That's a big one. One of my biggest stresses in holding down the fort was working my butt off to house break Scuttle while combating threatening morning sickness and exhaustion. Now, she just jingles the bells on the baby gate letting me know she needs out. Such a big difference! Especially now that I am striding along into my 3rd trimester soon and I hear exhaustion kicks back in!

I'm optimistic time will fly with Matt being gone..there's still so much to do to prep for baby girl! Luckily, Matt took care of the big things like painting her room and putting her crib together. Now I can put in the bedding, unload clothes as they come in as well as little toys and baby books :) My friend, Lauri, is wonderful and is throwing me a baby shower in early March! So that's something to occupy my mind and look forward to as well!

So speaking of babies...here's the update on Savannah Grace :

-I'm now 26w 5d along ..so close yet so far! It's crazy to think that in about 10 weeks I'll be full term...Baby Girl can come ANY time after that date..the thought is leaving me anxious, excited, nervous, scared, excited (did I mention, excited?)

- she's kicking up a storm! A couple weeks ago I felt all her kicks near the surface of my belly..now-a-days I feel the kicking and thumping more internally..closer to my cervix and now bladder area. It's a strange feeling, that's for sure

- I feel bruised, as if someone punched me in the pubic bone (I hope that's normal!)

- as of last night I have gained about 17lbs. While I am told it's normal and healthy and I am on track, it also freaks me out! I have 13 more weeks to go until my due date..how much more am I going to gain?!  It's an adjustment. I can feel my belly has gotten bigger and heavier. It's leaving me anxious wondering if/when  I am going to spot my first stretch mark.

- I am feeling more anxious about labor and delivery. More so about the labor. I hope I am able to tell the difference between a Braxton Hicks contraction and a real one. I hope someone is here to drive me when the time comes. I hope that I have time to get to the hospital (40-45 mins away) and receive my epidural. The wonder drug.

- I have been craving oatmeal in the mornings now vs my regular Special K cereal. My appetite has increased recently..I find myself wanting to snack more often, so,  I am keeping my fridge stocked up on apples and kiwis and string cheese. I fight the strong urge to go into the pantry, grab my Ruffles and a jar of French Onion dip and satisfy my salty needs. Only once in a while will I do that and that's when I know I've been "good" for breakfast and plan on having a healthier dinner.

I just can't wait to meet my little one. After 40lbs and mommy marks and swollen ankles and feet I know it will all be worth it just to kiss her little cheeks, inspect her fingers and toes and smell that soft baby smell. Seeing Matt become a father and how he looks when he meets his little girl for the first time will also make everything else worth it.

 That, folks, is the skinny on baby updates and how I'm doing on night #2 of deployment #2.

Slow down, January

It's now January and while, to many, this month is about new resolutions and getting excited to start the year fresh, mostly what weighs on my mind is that this is the month Matt leaves again for deployment (sigh..).   He's only been home a month and I feel like our time together is wrapping up. He doesn't leave for another few weeks but you know what they say: time sure flies when you're having fun!

There's still lots to do around the house before he takes off: we have to clean out the nursery (as it's our temporary upstairs storage room at the moment), paint it and set up the crib. Well, I guess that's not a lot but it will take up a good solid day or two.  This past weekend we reorganized the whole downstairs of our house. We scrubbed the kitchen and set up the dining table (where it used to be in the back of the living room), hung up my aprons and new calendar, in the living room we moved the entertainment center to another wall and moved all the couches, kept the tall cocktail table and hung a few things on the walls. The new set up is pretty great! I always love a change and the seating arrangement in the living room makes much more sense. The room doesn't look as full as it did which gives it a little more space (and more space for our future Pack 'n Play and other baby things!). 

Even though he leaves soon I'm thankful that he was able to be home for the holidays and special events (ie. 20wk ultrasound appointment and gender reveal).  Speaking of the "big ultrasound".... I think it went pretty well! I say that not knowing for sure because the doctor has yet to call me after looking at the measurements and pictures taken to let me know if there is anything that needs worrying about. I've called the office a couple times and left voicemails..still no return calls. Gotta love military clinics....  Okay, but aside from not knowing the results of everything, from what I saw, things look good! The heartbeat was 156 and strong.  The tech was able to easily spot the four chambers of the heart and made a comment that it looked very strong. We got to see the spine, the legs, the feet and at one point saw a close up of the face which was really cool (I wish I had asked him to take a picture!). Little one's arm was up by her face as if saying "oh woah is me", so, seeing her face framed under the arm and her little chest under the face creating interesting shadowing was probably the neatest experience of my ultrasound visits.  They had me get off the table a few times to go use the restroom (to empty bladder) and to walk around 5-10 mins in hopes of Jelly Belly rotating or turning a little so they can get a good measurement of her head.  Not sure if it worked..the tech said at the end of the appointment that the doctor may call me to go back for another ultrasound to retakes photos and measurements. Not a word, yet.  As for confirming it's a boy or girl..no concrete confirmation! From what we saw it still looks like a girl! I just hate when techs use the wording "well it looks like it could be a girl, I don't see male parts...but I can't be sure. I think girl."  I'm such a literal person, I like a definite yes or no! (I know, even if it were clear as day they can't tell me anything is yes or no for sure). But Matt and I are still convinced we have a little ballerina on our hands with the original gender reveal (and the picture that came along with it) as well as what we saw at the most recent ultrasound.

 At the appointment she was measuring to be 21wk 4 d with her estimated due date being May 6 versus the original estimated due date being May 4 (our 20wk appointment was actually 22wk). I'm still going to go by the original due date just because it's easier that way for me. It's only two days off so..we'll see :)

Okay, January, feel free to take your time because I'm soaking in all that I can of it! After that, feel free to fly until end of March/sometime April! :D

Reflection

This is time of year where most people reflect on the last 365 days (and then realize that resolution they made last January was never thought of again after Feb.).   Well, I've said it before and I'll say it again: 2012 has been one heck of a whirlwind year!

1. prepared and packed for a big move
2. made a trip back east to have our last hoorah's with our friends and family
3. had another big hoorah in Reno with our Sacramento buddies
4. took in a family member to help put them on a good path in life
5. made that big move across this big ol' globe
6. adjusted to the new culture shocks of living in Japan as well as military base living (this is a first for both of us)
7. experienced our first deployment together (Matt's 2nd and definitely not his last...)
8. adopted the sweetest and happiest little Oki mix puppy (which has been trialling and rewarding)
9. found out we are expecting our little Jelly Belly
10. had our first homecoming
11. learned our little Jelly Belly is going to be a sweet baby girl <3
12. 1st Christmas with it just being us

This year has had some very stressful and trialling moments, as well as some very special and incredible ones.  Certain life events bring out the best and worst in people in your life. You see just how supportive your friends and family really are. Sometimes for the best...and..I almost typed, "sometimes not"...but that "not" factor is for the best. It is for the best that you clearly see who will only be there for you when it's convenient for them. Unfortunately, I have learned of some of those people (be it a friend or family member) in the last 365 days. 

I'm pretty awful about keeping up with my New Year's Resolution..but I have decided on something I want to make a lifetime effort with: surrounding myself with positive people and situations.  I may have said or thought this to myself time and again (esp after a bad spell of drama!) but ever since creating and carrying this tiny, wiggly, already-loved-by-many sweet bundle of joy something inside me has changed. My thoughts, my attitude, my serenity. I feel at peace with myself and my life choices. They have gotten me where I am today which is happily married, a baby in the works with two fur babies, a college degree under my belt and experiencing a life abroad (which many don't get in a lifetime). 

There are not many things you can control in life, but, you can control who is in it. And, who has an affect on your mental well-being. Who lifts you up? Who brings you down? Who accepts your 2am calls when your husband is deployed and you feel all alone? Who brings a smile to your face when you think about them? Who makes your heart feel heavy?  I'm going to find out who these "Who's" are and make my life a more positive one.  Positivity is contagious and I want that "virus" to spread (at the very least in my heart and mind)!  And hey, the baby feels what mama feels so..gotta do what's good for my Jelly Belly, right?! 

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2012 treated you well, taught you some great life lessons and made you stronger and ready for what 2013 has to offer all of us. I'm gonna go bring in the New Year tonight playing board games with my love, with the pups at our feet, while I sip on non-alcoholic sparkling cider. Maybe I'll even manage to stay awake to see the countdown!  Stay safe!! 

*quick fact: in Okinawa, the locals celebrate the new year by reflecting on the last year and being thankful. They visit their family's tombs and pay respect. They also will gather as a family in one's home and bring food and treats and spend the day with the people who are important to them. 

Oh Boy...Or Girl!

its...A GIRL!!

As most of you know by now,  Matt and I are blessed with a little girl!!  The idea for the gender reveal we chose started when Matt came home from the first deployment with a Minnie Mouse and a Mickey Mouse onsie he bought at Hong Kong Disney (where he went on a day off at port).  That's when I thought it would be a cute idea to have the tech at the ultrasound clinic off base put the gender in an envelope and seal it.  I would then take the envelope, the wrapped gift box and the onsies over to my neighbor who would then put everything together for us.  I also wanted to get a photographer to come over to take some couples maternity shots and capture the moment of Matt and I opening our little present (the photo above shows our genuine reaction!).  Right after this shot was taken is when we both started crying/tearing up. I am so glad we did it this way. It was truly a special moment we will remember forever: heart racing with anticipation, shock, surprise, overwhelmed with joy, tears, laughs, lots of kisses, sniffles, and more smiles and laughs.  Matt is completely thrilled and, if you can't tell, I'm totally surprised..as I have been thinking we are having a boy!! But nope, we are getting a little princess this time around! 

*I have to add: I'm a tad bit nervous about the doc being correct on the gender. His English was limited and I remember him having to ask which symbol means boy and girl (I drew the boy and girl symbol for him to circle..to make it easier). The letter that was left in the box after opening it showed that he circled the boy symbol but then crossed off the title of boy I wrote above it and wrote in "girl" and underlined it a few times.  Luckily, he threw in a photo of the gender parts which definitely looks like "girl" to me. Matt calls me a worry wart, "if he wrote GIRL and underlined it, and added the pic of the girl parts..then it's a girl. Don't worry". lol  We shall see at our 22 week big ultrasound tomorrow! I'm confident it's a girl though :) 

no teeny weeny in sight! Matt says it looks like the baby sat on a copy machine and xeroxed her butt haha

** Savannah Grace  **

Savannah Grace is our baby girl's name we had picked out way before we ever got pregnant. I have loved Savannah ever since my oldest sister decided not to use it with my niece, Jessica...who is 16 now (so that should tell ya how long I've had that name in mind!).  Lucky for me Matt loves that name too!  As for Grace..well I've always thought it was a pretty name, but it stuck with me because of my love for old Hollywood movies and a wonderful actress that came with that era: Grace Kelly. So that's how we have our little Savannah Grace! 

Now, the only stressor I have with going with Savannah is that a very dear friend of mine loves that name, too. Only, for her own potential daughter.  I remember the day I told her over the phone that Matt and I decided on a girl name way back in the Spring or last Fall and the immediate response was, "omg that's my name too!". LoL..I'm like "of all the times we have talked about future baby names I have never once heard you mention it!" She had kept it secret, for obvious reasons that many women keep their baby names close to their chest (is that the saying? I keep saying it over and over and it's making less and less sense! haha).  It's funny...just another thing to prove we have been friends for so long and are that much alike.  I think knowing that neither one of us stole the name idea from each other (the proof is in that one convo we had!) makes me feel better that it won't cause any issues (God, I hope not). I have no regrets...I've wanted a baby Savannah for as long as I can remember..and in the end I let Matt make the final decision between Savannah and another girl name I liked. But...a part of me still feels a little bad. Not in the sense I feel like I've done something wrong, but, I do actually care about my friend and her feelings too. 

 And speaking of my little Jelly Belly...she's kicking away as I type this. Feeling the presence of this little miracle really does put a lot of things into perspective. The big picture is getting clearer and clearer. Things I used to worry about in the past seem so insignificant now.  My purpose in life has shifted a little. Make that a lot. Matt can sometimes tell when I am feeling it because we will be sitting on our recliners watching TV or something and he'll notice I'm not even paying attention and apparently have this look on my face. One where he just looks at me and says, "you're going to be the best mommy ever. You already are. The look on your face right now and when I catch you looking at Jelly Belly on the fridge...". Hearing things like that make my heart swell. Gosh, I love him. 

he's so excited for a girl! He's wrapped around that little finger already..

Gobble Gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!  It's an odd feeling: waking up and not smelling a turkey being cooked, no early Christmas music being played by my mom in the kitchen, the smell of coffee being brewed by my dad because he stayed up really late prepping the turkey and other casseroles with my mom.  Just quiet, here (oh, and the sound of Scuttle whining downstairs to be let out of her kennel).  It's also an odd feeling not having Matt here.   But, don't you worry, I will partake in the eating of turkeys tonight!  My friend, Lauri, is having a Thanksgiving dinner at her house with family and friends, so, I'm excited for that (and so is Baby Jelly!). 

I'd like to list a few things I am especially thankful for this year:

- the new love of my life: Baby Kelly (little Baby Jelly Belly Kelly!)

- a so-far healthy baby

-a comfortable pregnancy (minus the two icky weeks)

-my loving and supportive husband/best friend

- my wonderful family who constantly shows me love and support

- my old, lifelong friends who I love and miss dearly

- my new friends and friends to come who are proving to be wonderful people

- my two doggies who show unconditional love and cuteness

- the roof over my head

-the food in my kitchen and belly

- my freedom

- my california king bed

- getting a chance to live abroad and experience a new culture

- being the person I have grown up to be

- hot showers

- the technology to text/email/facetime family and friend back home

- the fact that my hubby has his own computer while deployed which means I can email him daily

- mine and my family's health

These are just a few of an endless list of things I am thankful for every day. While there are things to complain about on a daily basis (luke warm showers, dog poop, missing friends and husband, rain) it's important to remember and appreciate both the big and small important things in life: the things that give you a reason for living and waking up each morning with a smile on your face.  I hope all my friends and family get to spend a nice long weekend with each other's loved ones filled with laughter, craziness, nostalgia, and new memories.  Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

2-Night Homecoming

Matt and I were lucky enough to have one night together where we could celebrate our one year wedding anniversary!  It really was perfect. I made his favorite: my cheesy chicken enchiladas (or are they burritos since I add refried beans and rice?).  He got home from work, the enchiladas were hot and melty, he took the dogs out while I set the table and placed his favorite beer on his spot (and my version of a beer...a bottle of cream soda!) and we enjoyed an actual meal at the dining room table. We talked about how ship life was and what all he did at the ports and how Hong Kong Disney was.

After dinner, we opened up our wine and love letter box! Matt opened the bottle of wine labeled "7 Daughters" (a sign?!) and poured us a glass (yes, people, I had WINE..a small glass! It's bad luck not to toast with our anni wine!). We sat on the comfy couch and each opened the letter the other one wrote a few nights before our wedding day. I have to say...Matt is a wonderful writer. To read such love and devotion being poured onto paper is something I will cherish forever. We didn't write personal vows for our wedding day and I'm glad we didn't. I honestly can't even tell you what was said up there at the alter. But here, we can sit and soak in all the promises and love and encouragement (and read it over and over). I got teary, that's for sure! I am now going to read his letter to me every time I feel lonely and sad! When he gets home we will write new letters and place them in the box for next year. I am so happy we went with this special tradition. (ps: it's never too late to start this!).

After letters and our glass of wine, he surprised me with a beautiful diamond heart necklace he bought when he was in Malaysia (as well as a little surprise for Baby K but that's a surprise for everyone else for later). He truly is the most thoughtful, loving man and I am so thankful for him.  Cheers to an endless number of anniversaries! xoxo

Mil Spouse Life: Month 4!

It has been four months and one day since Matt, Petrie and I stepped off the plane and ventured into our new island life in Okinawa! In that time we have found out Matt was switching units (hopefully temporarily) , that he was going to deploy shortly for a couple months, and the big one: expecting a baby!

Going through the deployment has been interesting.  I am very lucky in the sense that I get to email with Matt at least once a day (the perks of him being administrative and having his own computer!). Still, communication strictly by email is not the most fulfilling. It's something, but it does not do it justice.

 I have had my hard moments...those moments being sad that he is not here for me to kiss goodnight or wish him a good day at work. What makes it worse is when people will comment on those sad moments saying, "well at least he will be home in a few months" or "at least he will be in a non deployable unit when you move back to the states". Let me make this clear: knowing that he is getting home in a few months doesn't help the fact that right then and there he is not home. Also, nothing is guaranteed in the military. Who says he won't be in a deployable unit? When the Marines need ya, they need ya!   I really do try and be patient when the "silver linings" of my situation are offered to me.  I have been told by many military wives that the people back home don't get it.  Unless they have or are in your situation they will never understand what, exactly, it feels like to have your husband leave for periods of time. And it's not a business trip, it's a trip where they are potentially, at any time, at risk. (I do feel wives of police officers, firefighters and the likes get it more).  I know that people sympathize the best they can and they mean well.  It's just frustrating hearing, "well at least...". At least doesn't help me right now. And more often than not I have already given myself the "at least" pep talk. I'm just having a moping moment and it's completely okay to be sad and to miss my husband. My spirits tend to pick up in a few hours.
Oh, and as a side note: it was harder hearing all the "at least" comments because at the time I was posting moments of loneliness or sadness, I was pregnant and not able to share. Being pregnant and alone is a whole other story!

So, speaking of being pregnant and alone...it's rough! Emotionally, it's very hard.  I don't know if it's like this for every female who just found out they are pregnant, but it's still hard to grasp that I actually am! I keep thinking it's because Matt isn't here to share the excitement with every day. I can't call him up and tell him I am not feeling well and to please stop and get some popsicles on the way home.  I can't call and tell him how the ultrasound went (though, if he was here he would have been there). We can't sit and read this week's chapter in What to Expect... I just feel awful for him.  So, I have been thinking, "well he will be home soon! At the 14 week marker he will be here and we can enjoy this time through week 24 or 25 together!". Then the Marine life rears it's head.  Less than a week before the guys were due to arrive home, Matt breaks the news that him and some others have to go right back out for another few weeks (or more). I don't have many details but all I can think is, "Great. They're taking what little time I had with him and practically cutting it in half.". No more Tokyo Disney..no more Thanksgiving together, no USMC Ball, no 16 week checkup together...I feel worse for Matt than I do myself. I know he just wants to be home with me and the brewing baby and the doggies. I hate that he is missing out.

Well, I guess that's the Marine Corps for ya, eh?  What really gets my blood boiling is this: the person in charge of all this stuff had all the guys check into work by 7am the morning after they returned (and might I add he sent the guys home super late the night before). The only day Matt had with me before taking off again he was made to work. He didn't get home until 7pm. We had our anniversary dinner then went upstairs to bed by 9:30 (I'll share all that in bit!).  Instead of being dropped off at the ship at 4pm the next day like originally planned, the guy in charge wanted them checked onto the ship by 9am. I just feel so jipped! Oh, and icing on the cake? There was a guy who wanted to go in Matt's place (and Matt tried pushing this as well) since I don't believe he has family here...ya the guy in charge said "nope". It's just so frustrating. But I'm hoping these weeks will fly..it's a busy month anyway so I should have a few things keeping me occupied.

Ok, enough with the venting, on with the better parts of the deployment: It gave me to chance to really get to know some girls here. I have made some good friends, one who I see pretty often, and others I would like to see more and get to know better. It's good getting out of the house, even if it's for a meet-up at Starbucks or the Navy Gift Shop. Having these friends really made the process smoother and I am so grateful for that and for them!
Emotionally, I have been pretty great. Like I mentioned earlier, I have definitely had my rough moments, but for the most part I'm good! I wake up each morning knowing I have a purpose: to keep this baby brewin' and to take care of these little furballs who rely on me. I wake up each morning knowing I have a husband who loves me endlessly and who lets me know every single day. I wake up each morning knowing that that is one morning less until he comes home again.

Some people say I'm strong for going through all this. I don't know if I'm strong. I definitely don't feel it. I think I just have no choice and it's impossible to continuously feel sad or stressed without your body breaking down! I know I couldn't have done it this well without the love and support of my friends and family (and Matt!).  I would like to clear up how I may have come off earlier in this post: I truly do appreciate any and all words of encouragement. Sometimes I may not absorb it as gracefully as I should when I'm feeling mopy and stressed. But in the end it is all welcomed and it really does help me get through the days. Thank you <3

Two Pink Lines!

I know this is very over due, but, for a few months I have not been able to open my mouth except to a select few!!  As almost everyone knows by now: Matt and I are expecting our first Baby Kelly!! To say we are thrilled is a gross understatement!

So how did we find out?

Well, Matt left on a Tuesday morning to deploy. I remember him saying that the perfect send-off gift would be for us to test positive on a pregnancy test.  I took a couple and they kept coming back negative (which, honestly, every time you get one line and you've been trying...it's disappointing).  I took another on Wednesday and, possibly, again on Thursday...you know..just in case! Negative. Negative.  Friday came around and I hauled booty around the outside of the house gathering all the stuff outside to put away for Typhoon Bolavan.

Saturday: I wake up, the storm is brewing, and I make a cup of coffee (and play with the new laptop). Come 1pm-ish I go upstairs to use the bathroom. Apparently I like to pee on sticks when I'm bored and going through a typhoon alone because I saw the very last test sitting under the sink. I thought, "well, Matt won't be home for months and this won't be put to use for a while, so might as well use it!".  Every time I took the test I stare really hard, because they say even the faintest of lines means it's positive. I really thought it was just another wasted one. Then I look down again and what do I see? The faintest of pink line #2! I swear my heart stopped, my body went numb, I smiled and said aloud, "holy shit. oh-my-God...oh-my-God..holy shit..oh-my-God" while pacing around not knowing what to do next! I look in the mirror and think to myself, "you're pregnant! You are no longer Lauren, Matt's wife. You're now in charge of a teeny tiny of cells forming into a cutie little baby that will change your life forever: you're a mommy."   I try Face Timing my bff, who obviously was in bed and didn't get my messages, so I Face Time my older Sissy. I was in shock! All of a sudden I just start crying! Haha. It was great to unload the huge news and have someone to laugh and cry about it with. Then, out of the blue, Matt calls literally 5 minutes into the call and my clever savvy planned way of telling him went out the window. I just cried. He freaked out, got in him concerned Marine husband tone asking who did what..then I told him. Silence. Then a laugh. I think he was more in shock than I was! I can't even remember the rest of the conversation..it's all really just a blur!

The upcoming weeks were still very surreal. Is there really a baby in there? They won't give me an ultrasound until I'm at 11 weeks so waiting until then was torture. How do I know if it "stuck"? How do I know if it's developing? My two weeks of morning sickness were the only proof my body was changing. Well, that and my boobs really hurt.  For the most part, I just felt nausea and didn't actually get sick sick. It's awful going through that and not having my husband here to baby me. The last thing I want to do it get in the car, with all that motion, and go to the store to get the only foods that appealed to me: popsicles and applesauce.

Yes, they spelled our name wrong..so now we call it Baby Jelly Belly 

Finally, week 11 came about and I got my first ultrasound!! My friend, Lex, came with me so I wasn't alone and she took a few pictures of me going through the appointment!  They caught me a little off guard bc this exam was not the wand and jelly rubbing over the belly, it was a wand that was inserted internally and pushed way up to the uterus. Talk about uncomfortable. The baby kept wiggling around so the nurse had to keep adjusting the wand, rotating this way and that, pushing further up. I did not like that!!   The first view I saw of Baby Kelly was of it kicking it's legs so fast and then "swimming" away out of the picture! The nurse jokingly asked me if I had coffee right before the appointment haha! We finally were able to get a good shot of the little one and measure the heartbeat, which was fast and strong, going at 150ish. Oh, and baby is due May 4, 2013! (or that would by May 3 back in the states).
After week 8 or so my nausea went away so I've been feeling great and like an actual human!! Of course, I have the symptom of being tired a lot, but I push through it. These days the dizzy spells are kicking in. I am also starting to show! Some days more than others..and that's thanks to gas and some bloating, thanks to those hormones a'soarin'!

I am now 14w 2d and all I can think about is my husband coming home to us and being able to share at least some of the experiences with me :)  The countdown is so close!!

Things That Go CRUNCH in the Night

One thing my yard does not lack are tiny little snails. They are all over the place! Every time I take my pups out I walk into the yard and each step I'm bound to hear a little crunch or a pop. These teeny snails have shells the size of a pea and they crawl all over the grass and, at night, on the sidewalk as well. It's gross. I don't mind them, I mind the fact that I'm smooshing them! Am I the only person who feels guilty when they kill a bug?

On another note not related to snails and bugs: we are two weeks into our deployment! Two down, eight more to go! I know that sounds like a lot, but time is flying. Before I know it'll be three weeks down, then four, then only a month and half left. There's still so much to do before Matt gets home: finish painting the living room, decided I want to paint the hallway, hang up my hooks in the kitchen so I can hang up my aprons and make it look a little more homey, decorate for halloween, finish Scuttle's shots so I can potty train her for real, and finish ordering the gosh darn wedding albums! I'm almost a year into my marriage and still have not ordered those suckers! It's so hard to choose 65 photos out of a million that I want to showcase! And I have to pick 12 of the Magic Kingdom photo session for the Bridal Portrait Album...I can't pick just 12!

Anyway, Matt is doing fine. He says the ship is much like Ground Hog Day..wake up and do the same thing over and over again. He's been working out a lot which he is proud of. We get to email every day (well I email him a few times a day and I usually hear from him by bed time) so I feel like we are caught up in each other's lives, at least. I had a sad morning today...I was sitting in my living room watching my dogs play and watching Golden Girls while drinking a small cup of coffee and just thought, "how wonderful would it be if Matt were here sharing this morning with me?"  It's been forever, it feels, since we have laughed out loud together. It's not the same chuckling to yourself while typing something funny in an email. And it is not the same when you get a delayed response hours later with the person chuckling back.  But, it'll have to do for now.  I just can't wait for him to come home.

Scuttle is now officially taller than Petrie! She is still light as feather, but she's got gangly legs and giving Petrie a run for his money! She is definitely a trouble maker but her cuteness makes it a little more tolerable! She has gotten a little bit better about chewing on the legs of my furniture. I haven't seen her do it in a while, but, I don't want to speak too soon. Watch, I'll come downstairs in the morning to find a missing leg on my end table! She's already torn her bed to shreds, so she is stuck with old t-shirts to lay on in her crate until she can prove to me she won't have me waste money on another doomed doggie bed.

Well, it's time to go crunch on some more snails while I walk these dogs. Crunch, crunch! Good night!

Typhoon Bolaven

This is a little something I typed last night (I was upstairs at the time and not connected to the internet):

It's late Sunday evening (well..if you consider 10:30 late) and the storm is officially here. The eye  of the typhoon is over this tiny island doing it's work. For once, I am grateful for the cold layout of the housing which is completely concrete and nothing to write home about. Things feel safe and sturdy.  It's funny: Matt leaves and the sky is literally falling.  The electronics act up and now the worst typhoon in 13 years is hitting us. Just me and the dogs.  This weekend has been alright, though.  I find myself counting my blessings a lot. I am so thankful for my little family and I can truly say I am happy. Yea, my husband is gone a few months at a time here and there, and that will always suck…but he comes back to me to pick up where we left off. I can huff and puff all I want about how deployments seem unfair when the military moves the whole family here (I've heard multiple wives complain how it's a cruel joke) but it's WHY they are in the military. It's their job: to do what they can to prevent future harm to our country and to help other countries in need of assistance. So the rest of the states can sleep easier at night knowing they/we are guarded.  I'm proud that my hubby takes his job seriously and with pride and determination. He doesn't resent the Marines one bit.  Sure, he will miss me, but, that comes with the territory. Right? 

So anyway, back to the sky falling (the typhoon)…it's super windy right now and I'm stumped how to let my older dog know its okay to pee on the pad I left in my bathroom. I'm not trying to risk him flying away if I take him outside! lol (we are ordered to stay inside anyway, since we are in TCCOR 1E : Emergency). I have a feeling sleep won't come easy tonight. *sigh. 

Lately, I'm still feeling tired.  Tired and blah. I'm not depressed or anything, especially since I have been lucky enough to hear from Matt a few times since he's left! But my body just feels tired and I feel run down. My throat feels like I'm about to come on with a cold.  I'm drinking plenty of fluids and trying to not over-do things. I'm probably stressed and don't realize it and it's deciding to teach me a lesson.  

Here's hoping to sunshine tomorrow and hopefully a trip to the beach this week with a fellow MEU wife friend! We could definitely use the sunshine and some fun time for US and just get out of the house! I have chores and errands to run, so if the rain could be done with after tonight, I'd really appreciate it. You listening, Typhoon Bolaven?! 

Now, it's almost noon on Monday and though it sounds windy and loud outside, we are officially in TCCOR-1R (recovery). That means we still have to stay inside but workers can go out around the island assessing damages and cleaning up branches and tending to power lines.  Hopefully we can get this show on the road because I would like to be able to take my doggie outside to pee instead of him having "accidents" inside. Poor guy. 

I moved Petrie and I back downstairs last night after the storm got super loud and a little scary.  The three of us (P, Scuttle and I) had a little slumber party. Well, they slumbered. I tossed and turned (this couch is not the most comfortable).  The doggies have been extra cuddly and sleepy this morning, which is a first for Scuttle! I can't believe it's almost noon and she has only gotten up once to use the pee pad! 

Ok it's time to start thinking about lunch. I hope I get an email from Matt soon :)  I like knowing that's he's alright and hangin' in there! I can't wait for him to come home to our little family! 

xoxo

Day Three

Third day down...who knows how many more to go!  I will say this, though: my spirits, today, have definitely picked up. It's probably the first time I am feeling a little more confident (and optimistic) about this deployment period.  I know it's only three days in and feelings are likely to change on a daily basis, but, today I will own the confident feelings!

I feel like the electronics in the house have felt this is the perfect time to go on the fritz. The charger to my Netbook no longer charges the computer.  The five-year-old laptop we use has no internal battery and has to be plugged in. Not only that: it decides that since I can now play Netflix on it, the cord connecting it to the TV (so I can watch movies on the big screen) is not working anymore. It worked just fine yesterday! But today? No, no, no. Today is Lets-Play-a-Joke-on-Lauren day! So, I decided that tomorrow I will be hauling my butt down to the BX (Air Force base exchange...like a giant Target that has everything) and buying a new computer. I am thinking of going with the Mac Book Pro. Gonna go big this time around! Bye bye, old computers!!

I was able to get out of the house last night and today (which is a refreshing feeling!). My friend, Lex, invited me to a jewelry party she was invited to which just so happened to take place on McT (the base I live on). I took her up on the offer thinking there is no reason not to go. I can be that girl that turns down invites and stays inside all day long, or, the girl that doesn't mind staying inside but actually takes opportunities to see the light of day (or dark of night, in this case). The party was cute. I left with the purchase of two new necklaces: a long strand faux pearl (every girl needs pearls for just the occasion!) and a silver necklace with a square silver pendant that has sparklies swirling in a design that reminds me of a seashell. I thought it appropriate to remind me of the island life.  When I got home, I cleaned like a mad woman! I put away clean dishes and washed dirty ones, vacuumed, mopped, dusted, lit candles and started some laundry. I was a happy girl this morning knowing that I didn't have to do any of that today!!

Today, I went to take our loaner car back to the off-base auto shop and get our van back (I think a belt needed to be replaced). I managed to find my way there without a hitch (thanks to the pin on google maps!), get the van and make my way to the shopette where I stocked up on a few snacks in prep for the typhoon coming up. Did I mention that? There's another typhoon coming our way that's supposed to hit big on late, late Saturday or early Sunday. My mom said it's supposed to be the worst one in 13 years. Wonderful.  Oh, well, I'll deal with that concern when the time comes.  For now, I'm just glad to have gotten out of the house and I have plans to do so again tomorrow. It helps the time pass :)   Petrie has his grooming appointment tomorrow, so, after I drop him off at Kadena I'll take that opportunity to run by the BX and look at computers. Maybe I'll go to the commissary and do some real grocery shopping.  Anyway, today's been a decent (emotionally) day!  My mom and one of my sisters messaged me today, checking on me, which definitely made my day a little brighter..rain and all!

I'm going to go now and think about cooking a real dinner tonight. No Ramen. No grilled cheese. As much as I'd love them, comfort food should be reserved for a day that I need extra comfort or I'm not feeling well. That doesn't mean I can't have a brownie for dessert, though.  ;) 

Here We Go...

Well. He's gone.

Day 1:

We woke up early and got the last minute items in order: DVD's to go in his DVD pack, gave him a letter I wrote him to read on the ship, and a couple of other tasks.  7:30am came and we started our drive to the port.  He dropped off the first trip of belongings on the ship while I had to wait in the car. He came back and grabbed the last of it and that's when we said our goodbyes. You know, I was doing fine, emotionally, until that very last minute.  That's when my chin started to quiver and it was hard to look him in the eye (because I hate for him to see my cry). We gave each other a few kisses, big hug and I remember him telling me, "You're amazing. You're strong. I love you."  I got in the car and he came back to have me roll down my window for one last kiss. That about sent me over the edge.  I had to drive off right away since we were in a spot I wasn't allowed to park (we already were warned once).  I managed to find my way back home. I dropped my purse on the counter, immediately changed into a comfy t-shirt and pj bottoms and then made my way into the living room where the doggies were frantically demanding attention. That's when I broke down. I cried for a few seconds and pulled myself back together and loved on my fur babies.  Then I would break down again for a few seconds and then pull myself back together. This repeated itself for maybe a half hour until my exhaustion just took over.  I had my Golden Girls on (one of the best feel-good shows) and a batch of brownies baking in the over (don't judge, a fellow wife gave me permission to eat and do whatever I wanted that day. So I decided to indulge in sad comfort food.) After I ate, I put on X-Files and passed out with my napping dogs.  After I woke up I felt a little better.  I felt like Matt is away on business and it will be okay. The rest of the day and night I just felt tired. Worn and tired.  I cooked Ramen for dinner and opened a beer Matt had bought for me. Since I had figured out how to hide the IP address here I could watch Netflix, finally (Netflix is US based service so the IP address here wouldn't allow Netflix to work...until now!)! So I had dinner while watching a marathon of the Walking Dead (great distraction) and polished it off with another brownie.  I went to bed upstairs with Petrie and put on I Love Lucy to fall asleep to.  I did hear from Matt, though! They hadn't sailed off yet so he was able to find a spot on the ship where he gets service and we chatted a little on how each of were doing and we wished eachother a happy three year dating anniversary. I miss him so much already and it hasn't even been 13 hours!

Day 2:

Today has been more gloomy and tiresome than yesterday.  Today is rainy, gray and thunder-y: much like my mood.  When the dogs are awake they are being naughty. It's like they are extra hyper and they are just not minding me today! Today isn't the best of days to try my patience.  Oh, and the power went off earlier too...I thought, "great! what else?!".  It's still raining and gray but at least the power is back on.  Petrie is upstairs sleeping and Scuttle is tucked in behind my knees (as I'm layin' on the couch) snoozing away looking more like an angel puppy than the puppy I dubbed earlier as "Sharp Tooth".  A friend has invited me to a jewelry party tonight here on this base so I think I'm going to go to that. I think getting out of the house will do me a little good (though, at the moment, I feel even too lazy to shower!).  Until then, I think I'm going to just cuddle on the couch and take advantage of this sleepy day and put on a good classic movie on Netflix. I found a few Barbara Stanwyck films that look interesting (she's an American actress from the 30's and 40's. Remember, I love, love, love old movies).  Hopefully my gray mood will pick up.  For now, I'll blame it on the weather. 



T - 11 Hours....

In about 11 hours I will be dropping my husband off for his deployment out at sea (sigh).  I'm not the happiest camper at the moment.  He's at the ship now dropping off the majority of his bags while I'm here with the dogs waiting for him to come home so we can spend what will be our last evening together for the next 3 (ish) months.

I could really use the support of my family and friends, this being the first deployment we've ever been through together (his 2nd). Just someone asking how I'm doing makes all the difference.  Funny, excluding the wives here, I haven't been asked that question except a couple times from my mom and a couple of my in-laws (do I let my close friends know I need them? Or should they already know?).   How am I doing?? Well....

I'm anxious.  I'm tired.  I'm a little run down.  I'm edgy.

I've never lived on my own, either. So a lot of things are new to me.  Sure, I've moved out of my parent's house but I've always had a roommate/s (older sister, 3 girls @ WVU, now Matt).  Chores and responsibilities that are normally split are now all up to me.  I had my first taste of realizing I don't know what the hell I'm doing when the internet wasn't working this morning.  Matt was at work and my dad was kind enough to Facebook chat with me on iPhone for an hour or more walking me through all the different possibilities of what could be wrong and how to fix it.  I don't know when recycling and the trash comes and I am not even sure what to do with the dumpsters. Do I leave them in their spot?  Do I bring them out to the middle of the cul-de-sac?  The simplest of things that I never thought to make a point of knowing...because Matt took care of all that stuff.  How about cutting Scuttle's nails? I had to have Matt hold on to her so she wouldn't wiggle so much!  In time, I'll get the hang of doing all these things on my own because I have to.

I know some of you may be chuckling at me : "Lauren, you don't know how to take out the trash??" "Lauren I've cut my dog's nails millions of times..it's not that hard" " I know how to hammer a entertainment system together and build my own patio/deck and garden...you've got it easy".   Yea Yea...these things are easy, and I'm not actually stressing about them...they were just the eye-opening realization of, "crap..this is all my responsibility now..how did I not even know this" lol .

I also hate being alone. I love it in the sense that I like my alone time...but I really get lonely when Matt's gone.  I go a little stir crazy when he's gone on business for just three days! I'll handle this time he is gone, because I have no other choice. But man, does it suck. 

Matt's on his way home (yay!!) so I gotta cut this short.  But, like I said before, I could use a lot of support and distraction! Please feel free to shoot me a message just shootin' the sh*t.  I have a feeling I'll be checking FB and blogs a lot.  :)  I hope everyone had a great weekend! I know I did, and I'll tell you all about when things settle down tomorrow.

XOXO