Time Flies When You're In Love

So I am sitting down taking a moment to myself (very rare) and looking through all the pictures on my phone, starting from the day Savannah was born. I cannot believe that she is already four months old this Saturday (the 7th). It's so crazy just how fast time is flying! One minute she is seven weeks old and her daddy is deploying with the MEU..the next I am looking at a not-so-tiny infant who is smiling, rolling, scooting, sucking fingers, grabbing at toys and pulling herself up into a standing position on my lap. Four months old.

This little baby amazes me every day.  I have mornings that start at 2am. I hear her cry and I am immediately annoyed and in a fog. I grumpily drag myself out of bed praying the dogs stay put and don't want to take that opportunity to go out. Then I stand over her bassinet and look in. The resentment and grumpiness melts away. My heart fills with mush all over again and I quietly talk to her while I change her diaper. I cherish the quiet morning hours I can cuddle her in bed while giving her the opportunity to nurse. It's her favorite thing. She passes out almost immediately. She just wanted the comfort of her mama and it's hard to get mad at that! 

Matt has been gone since June 25th and surprisingly we are holding up really well. When he is gone I sort of go into a daze and one day melts into another. Most of the time I can't even tell you what day it is because I just don't even worry about days until I start my countdown to homecoming. We now have about a month, give or take, and I am getting those butterflies again. That's probably the only perk to deployments: the homecoming butterflies. 

Since he has been gone Savannah and I have gone through sleepless nights. We have gone through a growth spurt or two (unfortunately that includes both of us..). We have changed a million diapers..sometimes in the dark. I've gotten pretty good at that! We have ventured to the movies which she is so well-behaved at! All it takes is a boppy, the lights out, and a boob within reach lol We have let the house go to shambles. Then I clean clean clean. Savannah has decided to give herself a bed time all on her own, and that's usually 8:40ish when she starts getting tired. Mommy gets a couple hours each night to just sit. Sit and not worry about a thing, really. Savannah has learned to roll from tummy to back and back to tummy. She has learned to soothe herself by sucking her thumb. Savannah has discovered her fingers and plays with them a lot. She likes them better than toys most of the time! She is learning the art of scooting: pulling her knees up under her and propelling herself forward..potentially giving herself rug burn on her face. She is interested in sitting up and now trying to pull herself up in a stand. She's wobbly, but she's strong. Once she learns that her hands can actually hold on to the edge of the Pack n' Play to hold herself up, she will be a pro in no time.  She likes when I sing her "Part of Your World" from the Little Mermaid. 

So you see what I mean when I say I am amazed at all the things she can do in the blink of an eye???
She is the best thing I ever did..aside from marrying her daddy. I cannot wait for him to get home. I know he misses her like crazy and is looking forward to seeing all she has learned.
Every sleepless night, prolonged healing, running on fumes and usually late, inability to hit a gym, melt down and half-ass meals is all worth it.  I would do it all over again (and plan on it!).
So, kiss your babies and fur babies. I'm kissing mine and taking advantage of every second of this sweet stage of their life. 

Recovery

In my opinion, post delivery recovery was worse than labor. No one warns you about some of the things you will experience. I did not spend my first day home just a little sore and a lot a bit tired. No. I felt like I got hit by a bus, a tractor and King Kong.

Every single muscle in my body hurt. Even my fingers. I guess that's where laboring for 9+ hours with no meds will get ya! I tried my hardest not to clench during contractions but let me tell you..it's hard!

I was exhausted as all get out. I got maybe 4 1/2 hours of sleep (total) at the hospital. For one, I was too excited after the delivery to sleep! And two, I had a newborn in the room with us where I was her source of food. There's no sleep when ya got a hungry 9lb baby!

My nipples felt like they were going to fall off. Due to some imperfect latches I got micro-cuts and at one point tiny blisters. It all got better after about 5 days..but those 5 days were full of tears every time i heard her cry for food. Lanolin ointment was a life saver.

The non-period period. Such a gross nuisance. Stock up on tons of maxi pads people!

The actual stitched up area wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I just felt pressure when I walked around. Witch hazel pads worked wonders for relief.

The cramping in the lower abdomen. Oh man was that a pain (literally). Every move I made my round ligament area really really hurt as well at my lower ab area, which I guess would have been my uterus shrinking. At one point I got worried about how much it all was hurting but I guess it was normal.

Baby blues. It happens to most. I cried at the drop of a hat. I couldn't even attempt to sing a song to Savannah without crying. Every time I thought of her growing up fast I would ball. I felt like I was in a funk a lot of the time. Finally around day 9 the blues cleared up and I was able to 110% enjoy this little bundle of cuteness. Not that I didn't enjoy and love her from the get go..I absolutely did. But feeling lousy and in pain and emotional...it's hard to see through that cloudiness sometimes.

At week 3 is when I finally started feeling completely human and not needing my Motrin 3x a day. Now, at 7 weeks, I feel great. My abs are still a little sore, but hey, that's going to happen when your muscles separate and then try to put themselves back together again.  Breast feeding still has it's ups and downs. I'm pretty sure I have a clogged duct at the moment which is pretty painful. Hopefully it works itself out soon. Other than that I feel like the old me again. An old me which is finding it hard to fit into my tops like I used to (the joys of breast feeding and bigger assets).  My feet don't hurt anymore. My knees don't hurt anymore. I can bend over without having to grab something to hold on to. I can finally sleep on my tummy again. The non-period period is gone (thank gawd) so no more wearing pads that can soak up the sea if need be. I can finally pick up my baby without wincing (ya, it took a week or two to be able to do that..). 

All I have to say is: thank goodness for Matt and him being a wonderful daddy and husband. He took care of me like no other. For the first week he changed every single diaper. I may have changed a few but he volunteered to do 99% of it. He cooked for me. He brought me water. He walked the dogs. He got up to get a crying Savannah to bring her to me to nurse so I didn't have to strain myself. Without him I wouldn't have gotten through the baby blues as fast as I did.

When I get pregnant again this will be what has me the most anxious: going through recovery all over again. Not gaining weight and feeling the discomforts of pregnancy. Not the labor or the delivery. But the recovery. Ugh.