Mil Spouse Life: Month 4!

It has been four months and one day since Matt, Petrie and I stepped off the plane and ventured into our new island life in Okinawa! In that time we have found out Matt was switching units (hopefully temporarily) , that he was going to deploy shortly for a couple months, and the big one: expecting a baby!

Going through the deployment has been interesting.  I am very lucky in the sense that I get to email with Matt at least once a day (the perks of him being administrative and having his own computer!). Still, communication strictly by email is not the most fulfilling. It's something, but it does not do it justice.

 I have had my hard moments...those moments being sad that he is not here for me to kiss goodnight or wish him a good day at work. What makes it worse is when people will comment on those sad moments saying, "well at least he will be home in a few months" or "at least he will be in a non deployable unit when you move back to the states". Let me make this clear: knowing that he is getting home in a few months doesn't help the fact that right then and there he is not home. Also, nothing is guaranteed in the military. Who says he won't be in a deployable unit? When the Marines need ya, they need ya!   I really do try and be patient when the "silver linings" of my situation are offered to me.  I have been told by many military wives that the people back home don't get it.  Unless they have or are in your situation they will never understand what, exactly, it feels like to have your husband leave for periods of time. And it's not a business trip, it's a trip where they are potentially, at any time, at risk. (I do feel wives of police officers, firefighters and the likes get it more).  I know that people sympathize the best they can and they mean well.  It's just frustrating hearing, "well at least...". At least doesn't help me right now. And more often than not I have already given myself the "at least" pep talk. I'm just having a moping moment and it's completely okay to be sad and to miss my husband. My spirits tend to pick up in a few hours.
Oh, and as a side note: it was harder hearing all the "at least" comments because at the time I was posting moments of loneliness or sadness, I was pregnant and not able to share. Being pregnant and alone is a whole other story!

So, speaking of being pregnant and alone...it's rough! Emotionally, it's very hard.  I don't know if it's like this for every female who just found out they are pregnant, but it's still hard to grasp that I actually am! I keep thinking it's because Matt isn't here to share the excitement with every day. I can't call him up and tell him I am not feeling well and to please stop and get some popsicles on the way home.  I can't call and tell him how the ultrasound went (though, if he was here he would have been there). We can't sit and read this week's chapter in What to Expect... I just feel awful for him.  So, I have been thinking, "well he will be home soon! At the 14 week marker he will be here and we can enjoy this time through week 24 or 25 together!". Then the Marine life rears it's head.  Less than a week before the guys were due to arrive home, Matt breaks the news that him and some others have to go right back out for another few weeks (or more). I don't have many details but all I can think is, "Great. They're taking what little time I had with him and practically cutting it in half.". No more Tokyo Disney..no more Thanksgiving together, no USMC Ball, no 16 week checkup together...I feel worse for Matt than I do myself. I know he just wants to be home with me and the brewing baby and the doggies. I hate that he is missing out.

Well, I guess that's the Marine Corps for ya, eh?  What really gets my blood boiling is this: the person in charge of all this stuff had all the guys check into work by 7am the morning after they returned (and might I add he sent the guys home super late the night before). The only day Matt had with me before taking off again he was made to work. He didn't get home until 7pm. We had our anniversary dinner then went upstairs to bed by 9:30 (I'll share all that in bit!).  Instead of being dropped off at the ship at 4pm the next day like originally planned, the guy in charge wanted them checked onto the ship by 9am. I just feel so jipped! Oh, and icing on the cake? There was a guy who wanted to go in Matt's place (and Matt tried pushing this as well) since I don't believe he has family here...ya the guy in charge said "nope". It's just so frustrating. But I'm hoping these weeks will fly..it's a busy month anyway so I should have a few things keeping me occupied.

Ok, enough with the venting, on with the better parts of the deployment: It gave me to chance to really get to know some girls here. I have made some good friends, one who I see pretty often, and others I would like to see more and get to know better. It's good getting out of the house, even if it's for a meet-up at Starbucks or the Navy Gift Shop. Having these friends really made the process smoother and I am so grateful for that and for them!
Emotionally, I have been pretty great. Like I mentioned earlier, I have definitely had my rough moments, but for the most part I'm good! I wake up each morning knowing I have a purpose: to keep this baby brewin' and to take care of these little furballs who rely on me. I wake up each morning knowing I have a husband who loves me endlessly and who lets me know every single day. I wake up each morning knowing that that is one morning less until he comes home again.

Some people say I'm strong for going through all this. I don't know if I'm strong. I definitely don't feel it. I think I just have no choice and it's impossible to continuously feel sad or stressed without your body breaking down! I know I couldn't have done it this well without the love and support of my friends and family (and Matt!).  I would like to clear up how I may have come off earlier in this post: I truly do appreciate any and all words of encouragement. Sometimes I may not absorb it as gracefully as I should when I'm feeling mopy and stressed. But in the end it is all welcomed and it really does help me get through the days. Thank you <3