Gobble Gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!  It's an odd feeling: waking up and not smelling a turkey being cooked, no early Christmas music being played by my mom in the kitchen, the smell of coffee being brewed by my dad because he stayed up really late prepping the turkey and other casseroles with my mom.  Just quiet, here (oh, and the sound of Scuttle whining downstairs to be let out of her kennel).  It's also an odd feeling not having Matt here.   But, don't you worry, I will partake in the eating of turkeys tonight!  My friend, Lauri, is having a Thanksgiving dinner at her house with family and friends, so, I'm excited for that (and so is Baby Jelly!). 

I'd like to list a few things I am especially thankful for this year:

- the new love of my life: Baby Kelly (little Baby Jelly Belly Kelly!)

- a so-far healthy baby

-a comfortable pregnancy (minus the two icky weeks)

-my loving and supportive husband/best friend

- my wonderful family who constantly shows me love and support

- my old, lifelong friends who I love and miss dearly

- my new friends and friends to come who are proving to be wonderful people

- my two doggies who show unconditional love and cuteness

- the roof over my head

-the food in my kitchen and belly

- my freedom

- my california king bed

- getting a chance to live abroad and experience a new culture

- being the person I have grown up to be

- hot showers

- the technology to text/email/facetime family and friend back home

- the fact that my hubby has his own computer while deployed which means I can email him daily

- mine and my family's health

These are just a few of an endless list of things I am thankful for every day. While there are things to complain about on a daily basis (luke warm showers, dog poop, missing friends and husband, rain) it's important to remember and appreciate both the big and small important things in life: the things that give you a reason for living and waking up each morning with a smile on your face.  I hope all my friends and family get to spend a nice long weekend with each other's loved ones filled with laughter, craziness, nostalgia, and new memories.  Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

2-Night Homecoming

Matt and I were lucky enough to have one night together where we could celebrate our one year wedding anniversary!  It really was perfect. I made his favorite: my cheesy chicken enchiladas (or are they burritos since I add refried beans and rice?).  He got home from work, the enchiladas were hot and melty, he took the dogs out while I set the table and placed his favorite beer on his spot (and my version of a beer...a bottle of cream soda!) and we enjoyed an actual meal at the dining room table. We talked about how ship life was and what all he did at the ports and how Hong Kong Disney was.

After dinner, we opened up our wine and love letter box! Matt opened the bottle of wine labeled "7 Daughters" (a sign?!) and poured us a glass (yes, people, I had WINE..a small glass! It's bad luck not to toast with our anni wine!). We sat on the comfy couch and each opened the letter the other one wrote a few nights before our wedding day. I have to say...Matt is a wonderful writer. To read such love and devotion being poured onto paper is something I will cherish forever. We didn't write personal vows for our wedding day and I'm glad we didn't. I honestly can't even tell you what was said up there at the alter. But here, we can sit and soak in all the promises and love and encouragement (and read it over and over). I got teary, that's for sure! I am now going to read his letter to me every time I feel lonely and sad! When he gets home we will write new letters and place them in the box for next year. I am so happy we went with this special tradition. (ps: it's never too late to start this!).

After letters and our glass of wine, he surprised me with a beautiful diamond heart necklace he bought when he was in Malaysia (as well as a little surprise for Baby K but that's a surprise for everyone else for later). He truly is the most thoughtful, loving man and I am so thankful for him.  Cheers to an endless number of anniversaries! xoxo

Mil Spouse Life: Month 4!

It has been four months and one day since Matt, Petrie and I stepped off the plane and ventured into our new island life in Okinawa! In that time we have found out Matt was switching units (hopefully temporarily) , that he was going to deploy shortly for a couple months, and the big one: expecting a baby!

Going through the deployment has been interesting.  I am very lucky in the sense that I get to email with Matt at least once a day (the perks of him being administrative and having his own computer!). Still, communication strictly by email is not the most fulfilling. It's something, but it does not do it justice.

 I have had my hard moments...those moments being sad that he is not here for me to kiss goodnight or wish him a good day at work. What makes it worse is when people will comment on those sad moments saying, "well at least he will be home in a few months" or "at least he will be in a non deployable unit when you move back to the states". Let me make this clear: knowing that he is getting home in a few months doesn't help the fact that right then and there he is not home. Also, nothing is guaranteed in the military. Who says he won't be in a deployable unit? When the Marines need ya, they need ya!   I really do try and be patient when the "silver linings" of my situation are offered to me.  I have been told by many military wives that the people back home don't get it.  Unless they have or are in your situation they will never understand what, exactly, it feels like to have your husband leave for periods of time. And it's not a business trip, it's a trip where they are potentially, at any time, at risk. (I do feel wives of police officers, firefighters and the likes get it more).  I know that people sympathize the best they can and they mean well.  It's just frustrating hearing, "well at least...". At least doesn't help me right now. And more often than not I have already given myself the "at least" pep talk. I'm just having a moping moment and it's completely okay to be sad and to miss my husband. My spirits tend to pick up in a few hours.
Oh, and as a side note: it was harder hearing all the "at least" comments because at the time I was posting moments of loneliness or sadness, I was pregnant and not able to share. Being pregnant and alone is a whole other story!

So, speaking of being pregnant and alone...it's rough! Emotionally, it's very hard.  I don't know if it's like this for every female who just found out they are pregnant, but it's still hard to grasp that I actually am! I keep thinking it's because Matt isn't here to share the excitement with every day. I can't call him up and tell him I am not feeling well and to please stop and get some popsicles on the way home.  I can't call and tell him how the ultrasound went (though, if he was here he would have been there). We can't sit and read this week's chapter in What to Expect... I just feel awful for him.  So, I have been thinking, "well he will be home soon! At the 14 week marker he will be here and we can enjoy this time through week 24 or 25 together!". Then the Marine life rears it's head.  Less than a week before the guys were due to arrive home, Matt breaks the news that him and some others have to go right back out for another few weeks (or more). I don't have many details but all I can think is, "Great. They're taking what little time I had with him and practically cutting it in half.". No more Tokyo Disney..no more Thanksgiving together, no USMC Ball, no 16 week checkup together...I feel worse for Matt than I do myself. I know he just wants to be home with me and the brewing baby and the doggies. I hate that he is missing out.

Well, I guess that's the Marine Corps for ya, eh?  What really gets my blood boiling is this: the person in charge of all this stuff had all the guys check into work by 7am the morning after they returned (and might I add he sent the guys home super late the night before). The only day Matt had with me before taking off again he was made to work. He didn't get home until 7pm. We had our anniversary dinner then went upstairs to bed by 9:30 (I'll share all that in bit!).  Instead of being dropped off at the ship at 4pm the next day like originally planned, the guy in charge wanted them checked onto the ship by 9am. I just feel so jipped! Oh, and icing on the cake? There was a guy who wanted to go in Matt's place (and Matt tried pushing this as well) since I don't believe he has family here...ya the guy in charge said "nope". It's just so frustrating. But I'm hoping these weeks will fly..it's a busy month anyway so I should have a few things keeping me occupied.

Ok, enough with the venting, on with the better parts of the deployment: It gave me to chance to really get to know some girls here. I have made some good friends, one who I see pretty often, and others I would like to see more and get to know better. It's good getting out of the house, even if it's for a meet-up at Starbucks or the Navy Gift Shop. Having these friends really made the process smoother and I am so grateful for that and for them!
Emotionally, I have been pretty great. Like I mentioned earlier, I have definitely had my rough moments, but for the most part I'm good! I wake up each morning knowing I have a purpose: to keep this baby brewin' and to take care of these little furballs who rely on me. I wake up each morning knowing I have a husband who loves me endlessly and who lets me know every single day. I wake up each morning knowing that that is one morning less until he comes home again.

Some people say I'm strong for going through all this. I don't know if I'm strong. I definitely don't feel it. I think I just have no choice and it's impossible to continuously feel sad or stressed without your body breaking down! I know I couldn't have done it this well without the love and support of my friends and family (and Matt!).  I would like to clear up how I may have come off earlier in this post: I truly do appreciate any and all words of encouragement. Sometimes I may not absorb it as gracefully as I should when I'm feeling mopy and stressed. But in the end it is all welcomed and it really does help me get through the days. Thank you <3

Two Pink Lines!

I know this is very over due, but, for a few months I have not been able to open my mouth except to a select few!!  As almost everyone knows by now: Matt and I are expecting our first Baby Kelly!! To say we are thrilled is a gross understatement!

So how did we find out?

Well, Matt left on a Tuesday morning to deploy. I remember him saying that the perfect send-off gift would be for us to test positive on a pregnancy test.  I took a couple and they kept coming back negative (which, honestly, every time you get one line and you've been trying...it's disappointing).  I took another on Wednesday and, possibly, again on Thursday...you know..just in case! Negative. Negative.  Friday came around and I hauled booty around the outside of the house gathering all the stuff outside to put away for Typhoon Bolavan.

Saturday: I wake up, the storm is brewing, and I make a cup of coffee (and play with the new laptop). Come 1pm-ish I go upstairs to use the bathroom. Apparently I like to pee on sticks when I'm bored and going through a typhoon alone because I saw the very last test sitting under the sink. I thought, "well, Matt won't be home for months and this won't be put to use for a while, so might as well use it!".  Every time I took the test I stare really hard, because they say even the faintest of lines means it's positive. I really thought it was just another wasted one. Then I look down again and what do I see? The faintest of pink line #2! I swear my heart stopped, my body went numb, I smiled and said aloud, "holy shit. oh-my-God...oh-my-God..holy shit..oh-my-God" while pacing around not knowing what to do next! I look in the mirror and think to myself, "you're pregnant! You are no longer Lauren, Matt's wife. You're now in charge of a teeny tiny of cells forming into a cutie little baby that will change your life forever: you're a mommy."   I try Face Timing my bff, who obviously was in bed and didn't get my messages, so I Face Time my older Sissy. I was in shock! All of a sudden I just start crying! Haha. It was great to unload the huge news and have someone to laugh and cry about it with. Then, out of the blue, Matt calls literally 5 minutes into the call and my clever savvy planned way of telling him went out the window. I just cried. He freaked out, got in him concerned Marine husband tone asking who did what..then I told him. Silence. Then a laugh. I think he was more in shock than I was! I can't even remember the rest of the conversation..it's all really just a blur!

The upcoming weeks were still very surreal. Is there really a baby in there? They won't give me an ultrasound until I'm at 11 weeks so waiting until then was torture. How do I know if it "stuck"? How do I know if it's developing? My two weeks of morning sickness were the only proof my body was changing. Well, that and my boobs really hurt.  For the most part, I just felt nausea and didn't actually get sick sick. It's awful going through that and not having my husband here to baby me. The last thing I want to do it get in the car, with all that motion, and go to the store to get the only foods that appealed to me: popsicles and applesauce.

Yes, they spelled our name wrong..so now we call it Baby Jelly Belly 

Finally, week 11 came about and I got my first ultrasound!! My friend, Lex, came with me so I wasn't alone and she took a few pictures of me going through the appointment!  They caught me a little off guard bc this exam was not the wand and jelly rubbing over the belly, it was a wand that was inserted internally and pushed way up to the uterus. Talk about uncomfortable. The baby kept wiggling around so the nurse had to keep adjusting the wand, rotating this way and that, pushing further up. I did not like that!!   The first view I saw of Baby Kelly was of it kicking it's legs so fast and then "swimming" away out of the picture! The nurse jokingly asked me if I had coffee right before the appointment haha! We finally were able to get a good shot of the little one and measure the heartbeat, which was fast and strong, going at 150ish. Oh, and baby is due May 4, 2013! (or that would by May 3 back in the states).
After week 8 or so my nausea went away so I've been feeling great and like an actual human!! Of course, I have the symptom of being tired a lot, but I push through it. These days the dizzy spells are kicking in. I am also starting to show! Some days more than others..and that's thanks to gas and some bloating, thanks to those hormones a'soarin'!

I am now 14w 2d and all I can think about is my husband coming home to us and being able to share at least some of the experiences with me :)  The countdown is so close!!