Typhoon Bolaven

This is a little something I typed last night (I was upstairs at the time and not connected to the internet):

It's late Sunday evening (well..if you consider 10:30 late) and the storm is officially here. The eye  of the typhoon is over this tiny island doing it's work. For once, I am grateful for the cold layout of the housing which is completely concrete and nothing to write home about. Things feel safe and sturdy.  It's funny: Matt leaves and the sky is literally falling.  The electronics act up and now the worst typhoon in 13 years is hitting us. Just me and the dogs.  This weekend has been alright, though.  I find myself counting my blessings a lot. I am so thankful for my little family and I can truly say I am happy. Yea, my husband is gone a few months at a time here and there, and that will always suck…but he comes back to me to pick up where we left off. I can huff and puff all I want about how deployments seem unfair when the military moves the whole family here (I've heard multiple wives complain how it's a cruel joke) but it's WHY they are in the military. It's their job: to do what they can to prevent future harm to our country and to help other countries in need of assistance. So the rest of the states can sleep easier at night knowing they/we are guarded.  I'm proud that my hubby takes his job seriously and with pride and determination. He doesn't resent the Marines one bit.  Sure, he will miss me, but, that comes with the territory. Right? 

So anyway, back to the sky falling (the typhoon)…it's super windy right now and I'm stumped how to let my older dog know its okay to pee on the pad I left in my bathroom. I'm not trying to risk him flying away if I take him outside! lol (we are ordered to stay inside anyway, since we are in TCCOR 1E : Emergency). I have a feeling sleep won't come easy tonight. *sigh. 

Lately, I'm still feeling tired.  Tired and blah. I'm not depressed or anything, especially since I have been lucky enough to hear from Matt a few times since he's left! But my body just feels tired and I feel run down. My throat feels like I'm about to come on with a cold.  I'm drinking plenty of fluids and trying to not over-do things. I'm probably stressed and don't realize it and it's deciding to teach me a lesson.  

Here's hoping to sunshine tomorrow and hopefully a trip to the beach this week with a fellow MEU wife friend! We could definitely use the sunshine and some fun time for US and just get out of the house! I have chores and errands to run, so if the rain could be done with after tonight, I'd really appreciate it. You listening, Typhoon Bolaven?! 

Now, it's almost noon on Monday and though it sounds windy and loud outside, we are officially in TCCOR-1R (recovery). That means we still have to stay inside but workers can go out around the island assessing damages and cleaning up branches and tending to power lines.  Hopefully we can get this show on the road because I would like to be able to take my doggie outside to pee instead of him having "accidents" inside. Poor guy. 

I moved Petrie and I back downstairs last night after the storm got super loud and a little scary.  The three of us (P, Scuttle and I) had a little slumber party. Well, they slumbered. I tossed and turned (this couch is not the most comfortable).  The doggies have been extra cuddly and sleepy this morning, which is a first for Scuttle! I can't believe it's almost noon and she has only gotten up once to use the pee pad! 

Ok it's time to start thinking about lunch. I hope I get an email from Matt soon :)  I like knowing that's he's alright and hangin' in there! I can't wait for him to come home to our little family! 

xoxo

Day Three

Third day down...who knows how many more to go!  I will say this, though: my spirits, today, have definitely picked up. It's probably the first time I am feeling a little more confident (and optimistic) about this deployment period.  I know it's only three days in and feelings are likely to change on a daily basis, but, today I will own the confident feelings!

I feel like the electronics in the house have felt this is the perfect time to go on the fritz. The charger to my Netbook no longer charges the computer.  The five-year-old laptop we use has no internal battery and has to be plugged in. Not only that: it decides that since I can now play Netflix on it, the cord connecting it to the TV (so I can watch movies on the big screen) is not working anymore. It worked just fine yesterday! But today? No, no, no. Today is Lets-Play-a-Joke-on-Lauren day! So, I decided that tomorrow I will be hauling my butt down to the BX (Air Force base exchange...like a giant Target that has everything) and buying a new computer. I am thinking of going with the Mac Book Pro. Gonna go big this time around! Bye bye, old computers!!

I was able to get out of the house last night and today (which is a refreshing feeling!). My friend, Lex, invited me to a jewelry party she was invited to which just so happened to take place on McT (the base I live on). I took her up on the offer thinking there is no reason not to go. I can be that girl that turns down invites and stays inside all day long, or, the girl that doesn't mind staying inside but actually takes opportunities to see the light of day (or dark of night, in this case). The party was cute. I left with the purchase of two new necklaces: a long strand faux pearl (every girl needs pearls for just the occasion!) and a silver necklace with a square silver pendant that has sparklies swirling in a design that reminds me of a seashell. I thought it appropriate to remind me of the island life.  When I got home, I cleaned like a mad woman! I put away clean dishes and washed dirty ones, vacuumed, mopped, dusted, lit candles and started some laundry. I was a happy girl this morning knowing that I didn't have to do any of that today!!

Today, I went to take our loaner car back to the off-base auto shop and get our van back (I think a belt needed to be replaced). I managed to find my way there without a hitch (thanks to the pin on google maps!), get the van and make my way to the shopette where I stocked up on a few snacks in prep for the typhoon coming up. Did I mention that? There's another typhoon coming our way that's supposed to hit big on late, late Saturday or early Sunday. My mom said it's supposed to be the worst one in 13 years. Wonderful.  Oh, well, I'll deal with that concern when the time comes.  For now, I'm just glad to have gotten out of the house and I have plans to do so again tomorrow. It helps the time pass :)   Petrie has his grooming appointment tomorrow, so, after I drop him off at Kadena I'll take that opportunity to run by the BX and look at computers. Maybe I'll go to the commissary and do some real grocery shopping.  Anyway, today's been a decent (emotionally) day!  My mom and one of my sisters messaged me today, checking on me, which definitely made my day a little brighter..rain and all!

I'm going to go now and think about cooking a real dinner tonight. No Ramen. No grilled cheese. As much as I'd love them, comfort food should be reserved for a day that I need extra comfort or I'm not feeling well. That doesn't mean I can't have a brownie for dessert, though.  ;) 

Here We Go...

Well. He's gone.

Day 1:

We woke up early and got the last minute items in order: DVD's to go in his DVD pack, gave him a letter I wrote him to read on the ship, and a couple of other tasks.  7:30am came and we started our drive to the port.  He dropped off the first trip of belongings on the ship while I had to wait in the car. He came back and grabbed the last of it and that's when we said our goodbyes. You know, I was doing fine, emotionally, until that very last minute.  That's when my chin started to quiver and it was hard to look him in the eye (because I hate for him to see my cry). We gave each other a few kisses, big hug and I remember him telling me, "You're amazing. You're strong. I love you."  I got in the car and he came back to have me roll down my window for one last kiss. That about sent me over the edge.  I had to drive off right away since we were in a spot I wasn't allowed to park (we already were warned once).  I managed to find my way back home. I dropped my purse on the counter, immediately changed into a comfy t-shirt and pj bottoms and then made my way into the living room where the doggies were frantically demanding attention. That's when I broke down. I cried for a few seconds and pulled myself back together and loved on my fur babies.  Then I would break down again for a few seconds and then pull myself back together. This repeated itself for maybe a half hour until my exhaustion just took over.  I had my Golden Girls on (one of the best feel-good shows) and a batch of brownies baking in the over (don't judge, a fellow wife gave me permission to eat and do whatever I wanted that day. So I decided to indulge in sad comfort food.) After I ate, I put on X-Files and passed out with my napping dogs.  After I woke up I felt a little better.  I felt like Matt is away on business and it will be okay. The rest of the day and night I just felt tired. Worn and tired.  I cooked Ramen for dinner and opened a beer Matt had bought for me. Since I had figured out how to hide the IP address here I could watch Netflix, finally (Netflix is US based service so the IP address here wouldn't allow Netflix to work...until now!)! So I had dinner while watching a marathon of the Walking Dead (great distraction) and polished it off with another brownie.  I went to bed upstairs with Petrie and put on I Love Lucy to fall asleep to.  I did hear from Matt, though! They hadn't sailed off yet so he was able to find a spot on the ship where he gets service and we chatted a little on how each of were doing and we wished eachother a happy three year dating anniversary. I miss him so much already and it hasn't even been 13 hours!

Day 2:

Today has been more gloomy and tiresome than yesterday.  Today is rainy, gray and thunder-y: much like my mood.  When the dogs are awake they are being naughty. It's like they are extra hyper and they are just not minding me today! Today isn't the best of days to try my patience.  Oh, and the power went off earlier too...I thought, "great! what else?!".  It's still raining and gray but at least the power is back on.  Petrie is upstairs sleeping and Scuttle is tucked in behind my knees (as I'm layin' on the couch) snoozing away looking more like an angel puppy than the puppy I dubbed earlier as "Sharp Tooth".  A friend has invited me to a jewelry party tonight here on this base so I think I'm going to go to that. I think getting out of the house will do me a little good (though, at the moment, I feel even too lazy to shower!).  Until then, I think I'm going to just cuddle on the couch and take advantage of this sleepy day and put on a good classic movie on Netflix. I found a few Barbara Stanwyck films that look interesting (she's an American actress from the 30's and 40's. Remember, I love, love, love old movies).  Hopefully my gray mood will pick up.  For now, I'll blame it on the weather. 



T - 11 Hours....

In about 11 hours I will be dropping my husband off for his deployment out at sea (sigh).  I'm not the happiest camper at the moment.  He's at the ship now dropping off the majority of his bags while I'm here with the dogs waiting for him to come home so we can spend what will be our last evening together for the next 3 (ish) months.

I could really use the support of my family and friends, this being the first deployment we've ever been through together (his 2nd). Just someone asking how I'm doing makes all the difference.  Funny, excluding the wives here, I haven't been asked that question except a couple times from my mom and a couple of my in-laws (do I let my close friends know I need them? Or should they already know?).   How am I doing?? Well....

I'm anxious.  I'm tired.  I'm a little run down.  I'm edgy.

I've never lived on my own, either. So a lot of things are new to me.  Sure, I've moved out of my parent's house but I've always had a roommate/s (older sister, 3 girls @ WVU, now Matt).  Chores and responsibilities that are normally split are now all up to me.  I had my first taste of realizing I don't know what the hell I'm doing when the internet wasn't working this morning.  Matt was at work and my dad was kind enough to Facebook chat with me on iPhone for an hour or more walking me through all the different possibilities of what could be wrong and how to fix it.  I don't know when recycling and the trash comes and I am not even sure what to do with the dumpsters. Do I leave them in their spot?  Do I bring them out to the middle of the cul-de-sac?  The simplest of things that I never thought to make a point of knowing...because Matt took care of all that stuff.  How about cutting Scuttle's nails? I had to have Matt hold on to her so she wouldn't wiggle so much!  In time, I'll get the hang of doing all these things on my own because I have to.

I know some of you may be chuckling at me : "Lauren, you don't know how to take out the trash??" "Lauren I've cut my dog's nails millions of times..it's not that hard" " I know how to hammer a entertainment system together and build my own patio/deck and garden...you've got it easy".   Yea Yea...these things are easy, and I'm not actually stressing about them...they were just the eye-opening realization of, "crap..this is all my responsibility now..how did I not even know this" lol .

I also hate being alone. I love it in the sense that I like my alone time...but I really get lonely when Matt's gone.  I go a little stir crazy when he's gone on business for just three days! I'll handle this time he is gone, because I have no other choice. But man, does it suck. 

Matt's on his way home (yay!!) so I gotta cut this short.  But, like I said before, I could use a lot of support and distraction! Please feel free to shoot me a message just shootin' the sh*t.  I have a feeling I'll be checking FB and blogs a lot.  :)  I hope everyone had a great weekend! I know I did, and I'll tell you all about when things settle down tomorrow.

XOXO

Pre-Deployment Stress/Anxiety

Prepping For My First Deployment (Matt's 2nd)

"Stress is something that we, ourselves, create and it depends on how we interpret situations and relate to the world"

I read that in one of the two books shown above and I completely agree. I know, for me, most of the time it's a mind game. Once the stress ball gets rollin' it's really hard to back track. Since learning that my husband will be deploying shortly after moving in, I have pushed the thought way back in my mind. People would ask how I am feeling about the situation and I would respond, "oh, I'm not feeling anything yet, we still have plenty of time before he leaves."  And then Thursday the tenth rolls around. I sit up in bed looking at the calendar on my phone and think: Shit. We have only 10 days left together?! (3 days have been added so now he leaves the 23rd...one week left...)   The next day I could feel my anxiety and apprehension growing.  Slowly, but surely, it started taking over. I started feeling hot, a little shaky, unable to think completely clearly, my chest was tight and it was hard to take a deep breath, my patience was non-existent and I would cry at the drop of a hat (yes, come 5pm even Scuttle escaping her pen made me cry in frustration). These are not feelings that I like to have! Matt came home and was ever-so-helpful with the pups and helping me get our comfort food dinner started.  I took a Xanax because at that point I was beyond calming myself down.  Ten minutes later, I was feeling the zen I've been craving and have been pretty calm since then. I don't like relying on medication to help with my emotions or anxiety. The only times I really ever took Xanax was when I had my extreme fear of flying and public speaking (when you've had a panic attack during/towards the end of a presentation, you realize you probably need to be prescribed something). In this case, though, I felt it was appropriate (plus, trying to have babies, ya gotta keep that bad stress out!!)

So, I read in one of these two books that "anticipatory grief" is a real thing, and I believe that's what I have been going through. The anticipation of taking on full responsibility of the dogs, myself, the house, everything makes me really nervous. Is the car in order? How are the bills going to be paid? Will I get to talk to Matt on the phone? Where is the off base vet? Oy....  I honestly feel, though,  that once the day comes that Matt leaves, I will be okay. I will be. I'm healthy, I have family, I have friends, and I have my dogs. I am not in any danger, so I will be okay.  I am nervous, but what else is to be expected?? "A worry is something you can't do anything about, and it's unproductive.  Turn it into a concern and ask what the worst case scenario would be and how you could plan for it if it did happen. Then set aside time to worry and move on"

So, I found it interesting when reading about the top stresses in life:

- moving (check! first to Cali, now here...)

- marital separation (check!)

- pregnancy (or lack of it, in my case...but check!)

- death (thankfully, no check)

- changing jobs  (trying to find a job so semi-check!)

- major changes in responsibilities (check!)

- change in sleep habit (check but it's evened itself out now that I'm adjusted)

hello...does this sound like everyday military life at it's best?! It's no wonder why all of a sudden I was on the verge of a panic attack..so much going on all at once it's a bit hard to digest and accept. 

Whether it's 9 months or 1 month, any separation from someone you love is really tough (especially in a foreign land!). While it's hard, I am grateful that this first time around is about three months (though rumor has it he leaves again shortly after) so light at the end of the tunnel is not too far away.  It's a bummer that he will be gone for our one year, but, it's not that important to feel sorry for us.  There is no reason we can't celebrate to the fullest when he gets back on island! 

Proven Stress Reducers:

- get up 15 minutes earlier and leave before you have to (that way any set backs and/or traffic won't push your stress to the limit)

- restrict amount of caffeine, alcohol and junk food

-don't procrastinate (ooh that will be a hard one for me)

-avoid unproductive, negative, "high maintenance" people

- set aside "me" time

-count blessings. For every wrong there are a dozen thing right

-exercise

and a few of my own that I'm adding to help myself out:

- don't play the "if only" game. "if only I lived closer to family" "if only my best friend lived closer". We find ourselves wanting what we don't have. Make do with what you do.

- blogging more (be prepared for more random posts...my hubby knows to check my blogs to see what I'm up to and how I'm doing on some days, so I will be posting for him!)

-  I want to try one new recipe/ week, thanks to Food Network and Foodnetwork.com

- I have the Base Housing Project to continue! I would like to have it all finished by the time Matt gets back in November..so that project, alone, will be a handful!

I have to get ready now for my pre-deployment briefing. Thanks for listening! If anyone has any other stress reducers that has worked for them, please feel free to let me know!! I have nothing but time, here, on my hands!

Feeling Accomplished

I did it! I managed to drive around the backwards island of Okinawa and not only successfully get to where I needed to be without getting lost, but I came home without one scratch on this van of Matt's!  I have to say, now that I got the initial shock of the roads out of the way, I feel it can only get better from here. I can breath a big ol' sigh of relief. Is it sad that I feel a sense of accomplishment??

Matt got home late last night (around 10pm or so) and we immediately set out to practice the routes I would be driving today (that included driving towards Matt's work so I can drop him off in the morning and then the route to Kadena Air Force Base to meet the girls for lunch). Last night was pretty intimidating. First of all, I don't see that well at night while driving. The bright lights of the cars and the street lamps and the buildings..it all gets very distracting and very glare-y (that can be a word, right?). Well, anyway, I got the hang of it pretty quick. Matt was very impressed at how well I took to driving, assuming I would be freaking out (I realized that I'm the sort of person who gets a quiet calm focus when I'm faced with a really intense situation. Focus now, freak out later).  Today was much easier, I feel.  It was a gorgeous, sunny day, the traffic wasn't too bad, and I am thrilled to know that there are only a couple "main highways" I need to know how to get to in order to get to the important places.  Once I get those burned into my memory I can start venturing onto the side streets and getting a better lay of the land.  I'm happy to report I didn't have to use my iPhone map once while driving!  Matt did a great job of giving me the short play-by-play of how to get here and there.

Lunch today was great, by the way! The girls were super nice. We went to this pizza place called Bella Napoli over by the sea wall. It was on the second floor and our table was right next to a window wall that looked out over the gorgeous water. I wish I thought to take my phone out to snap a picture. Oh well, next time I will!  Food was good, convo was good...I only wish I wasn't so darn shy! I hate it. Some people who know me may not realize that I'm really shy, but I am and it takes a lot for me to open up and keep up with a conversation the first few times of getting to know someone.  I just hope no one thinks I'm rude or boring if I'm not asking a bunch of questions and talking up a storm. Ah well...that's for another post. Until then,  I'm going to go back to watching Mobsters and open up a bottle of red while I wait for my husband to come home :)

Braving The Streets

Hi all! I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and for those who live in Oki, I hope everyone stayed dry! I didn't leave the house after Saturday night.  Sunday was mainly grey and drizzle-y..but come Sunday night? Oh boy, did it rain, rain, rain!! Monday was very rainy and windy as well...great days to have the excuse to just cuddle up on the couch in my jammies and watch Hulu with the pups!

Now it's Wednesday (actually, I thought it was Tuesday when I started typing this post...oh how the time plays mind tricks on me!) and I am about to start the Swiffering and dusting because the doggie trainer is coming by the place tonight. I'm really excited to get some good tips on training two dogs (let's face it..Petrie can use some brushing up on) and finding ways to get the doggies to be in the same room and not feel the need to play hard, hard, hard. Too many drinks have been knocked over on the coffee table due to the fact the two little fur balls wrestle their way under it and end up knocking their heads on the table. The cleaning never ends with these two! ha!

Tonight is also the big night that I am practicing driving around the island! Normally, I would have waited until the weekend so I can practice during the day, but since a couple new friends have invited me out to lunch tomorrow, I figure I must the driving now. My anxiety has risen quite a bit at the thought of venturing out, on my own, tomorrow to not only drive around my base, but to drive all the way up to Matt's work and back, then drive to another base further south to find a restaurant I have never seen and ,furthermore, figure out how to park a big minivan (Matt's car). The GPS system here is a joke. It's basically just reading a map on your phone, hoping your blinking blue dot is moving on the road you're supposed to be on.  Not much of hands-free help, is it?! I really don't want to drive. The thought of doing so without much practice is freaking me out. I'm sweating right now just thinking about it!  But when asked out by new friends (whom I've yet to meet..they're mutual friends of a new friend here who were kind enough to reach out to me) you just have to take up the offers! It's how you get out. It's how you meet people and make better friends.  It's living a life of your own that doesn't just consist of talking to doggies all day and waiting for your husband to come home so you can get started on dinner.  I'm excited! 1.) these girls seem super nice. 2.) we are eating at a place that serves pizza...pizza! I've been craving a good pizza since moving here!  and 3.) breaking the ice with these roads will be awesome. I can maybe even start borrowing the car more often (until I get my own) and start going to the gym. Gotta get back into my size 4's!

I'll update you on how everything goes! Imagine being on a small island with tons and tons of Asian drivers...then throw me into the mix...the thought makes me laugh. As long as I remember to drive on the left side of the road I think I will be okay.  *sigh...here we go....

The Home Front

So, I know I have been talking a lot about the food and local cuisine, but I haven't really talked much about how the house is coming along!

We are the corner unit of a 4-unit multiplex.  The outside, so far, is still looking bland and a little dirty but seeing what some of the neighbors did with theirs gives me a few ideas. I actually ordered a painted wooden sign from Etsy that reads, "Home Is Where The Marine Corps Sends Us" with smaller wooden signs hanging from that which read where you've been stationed. Since this is our first duty station (I don't count Sacramento) together, ours is going to show Okinawa, Japan. I'm pretty excited for it to arrive! Next chore will be to figure out the rules about planting flowers and plants. I may just have to go with big planter pots (which may be the better way to go since the poisonous Habu snakes hide out in unkempt shrubbery! No thanks...). 

The "hospital kitchen" with it's stainless steel counters, grocery store floors and yellowed plastic counters, has come a long way now! The very first thing we did was paint the cabinets a pretty blue color. It's not quite as light as Sky Blue, but it's still pretty light. Yesterday, I finished painting the walls in the kitchen white. With little splashes of red, pink and yellow, the kitchen is really cute (and clean/crisp). My goal is to always have fresh flowers in there :)  Another thing I love about the kitchen? Sunlight!! That's something that was sorely missed back at our old apartment. This kitchen is big enough to set up our tall cocktail table as our new breakfast nook area, complete with red flowers, Mickey Mimosa glasses, and a couple red and yellow Mickey plates (something you'll notice in the kitchen is that it is very Disney..we went a little crazy shopping on our honeymoon lol). 


With furniture set up in the house, it doesn't look as bland and blah as before.  I have decided that I want to paint the living room now.  We have an oatmeal colored couch and ottoman, black entertainment center and a black dining room table with black chairs. Actually, the correct term is Espresso but whatever, it's black. Sitting in here now I am craving some color! I'm thinking of painting the walls a shade of yellow. Maybe a light marigold color? I think it would lighten the room a bit plus it would go along with the color scheme of the kitchen. Problem is that at the Makeman (local Japanese Home Depot) store there was only two yellow options and they were not what I was looking for: pastel Easter egg yellow and bright neon yellow. I would ask if they could mix the two, but it's very hard finding English speaking workers and my pocket Japanese language book doesn't really have any "can you mix these two paints?" options!  The search will continue.

Moving on..going upstairs, we painted the banister a raspberry pink color. I know, it's a little out there, but when else will I get a change to paint a pink railing? Um, never? The stairway is so depressing, with it's yellow lighting, hospital floors, yellowed walls...I just had to add color! I also want to find black and white paisley print contact/wall paper that I can stick to poster board then apply that to the stair risers. I think the hot pink will make more sense, then.  We haven't touched the two extra bedrooms, but we did paint our room a light, fairytale blue. It really makes all the difference. Our sheer ivory curtains are being shipped here as we speak! The room is just big enough for our Cal King bed and a small night stand. Oh, and the small entertainment stand with our TV on it. That's it. Our dressing rooms are the first guest room for Matt and mine is the walk-in closet in our master bedroom. I just painted some of the bathroom white yesterday. I have to wait to buy more paint before I can finish. In the meantime, I'm really debating on painting the yellow plastic cabinets the same hot pink color or the leftover blue from the kitchen. What do you think? If a bathroom is going to be stark white then it needs a good contrasting color, I think.  Matt is such a trooper letting me paint things girlie and pink lol

Well, that's the little tour of our new home! Now that we are getting settled, I think I want to stay here versus move all over again (for when they have to renovate). I can't handle the thought of all our things being packed up again only for me to have to unpack again and repaint again and put my body through stress...you guessed it..again! But, we'll do what we have to do. (Just don't mind me bitching about it part of the time! )

BTW Here are some ocean shots from a rest stop we found: