Trimming the Fat

You know that saying : you are what you eat?  Well, I'm a believer in  that when it comes to people. You are who you hang out with.  If you surround yourself with negative people, eventually that negativity will start to become contagious. That will either turn you into a bitter and negative person, or, hopefully, you will realize what it is doing and make some serious changes. "Trimming the Fat", as Matt would put it. To cut out certain people (be it friends, family, acquaintances) who: Just. Bring. You. Down.  The saying goes the other direction, as well. If you surround yourself with bright optimists, I think you would find yourself seeing the sky bluer. The sun brighter. The light at the end of the tunnel.  The thing that sucks, though?  A lot of the time it is late in the game when you start figuring it all out. 

As I write this I wonder if I've already written this kind of blog. Maybe I have. I probably have. I feel pretty repetitive. That means it's obviously weighing on my mind and I need to get this feeling of "COME ONNNN PEOPLE" out of my system. Which means talking about it..thinking about it...talking about it again..thinking about it some more..until I have no more memory space left for that kind of thing. Next step?Reboot. Start again.

Due to respecting (or trying to, anyway) the privacy of conversations I have with people close to me, I won't relay the specifics in what recently has got my head in a spin. I just want to know why it's so hard for some people to just be supportive. Supportive, instead of opinionated. Especially when it comes to personal life choices I am trying to make. Look, I accept the fact that we have to move across the world, into a foreign land, where I will be entirely alone except for my husband and the pup. I accept the fact that I have to put any of my career goals on hold. I will gladly do that to support my husband. That doesn't mean, though, that we have to put life on hold for the convenience of location. Multiple people have bluntly stated they think Matt and I should wait to start a family for when we move back to the states. If I was 24? 25? Eh, maybe. But for someone who wants three to four kids (I'm settin' the bar high!)? And hubby and wife happen to be ready to start the family business? No. And that's our choice to make, right? Without having to justify our choices?

Life....it's a funny thing. You can plan and plan and plan. And before you know it, by the time you are done planning, life has passed you by. Passed you by while you were waiting for the "right time"..that "perfect time". To buy a house. To get married. To have babies. The right time, the right time. How do you know when the time is "right"? Isn't it different for everyone? Don't you sometimes have to take a smart leap of faith with some things?

 To one person's defense, I don't think they realized what they said came off in a way that I (and others) took it. I believe their intentions are good and I know they are trying to tell me that it's hard work and being overseas, alone, no family or close friends around, missing out on those baby showers..it's hard. And that there is no rush (I agree..I don't want to start a family just because I feel rushed..) I think they are telling me this because they care. I hope they are, anyway. But there is something else. A part of me fears: are they saying this because they think I can't do this? Because I'm not responsible? I keep hearing about it being "hard work". Well of course it's hard work. With or without kids.Do they think I can only handle the "easy" stuff like shopping and blow drying my hair? Then, I get angry that: 1) I was just "made" to question myself, and 2) I feel I have to justify myself. Oh, and 3) that maybe this person doesn't believe in me (and that's the most hurtful).

Hell, maybe they do. Who knows. If the "you should's/shouldn'ts" opinions have to be made, then, in the future it would be nice for them to be followed up with something supportive. Where if you don't take their advice, they aren't going to judge you. A "you'll do a great job in whatever you decide on" or "if you need me for advice, I'm here" or "you are strong and wonderful and I support whatever you do" is what I need to hear sometimes. Because, in the end, Matt and I will be the ones making the final call. 

It's kind of a buzz kill, really,  when you get really excited about something, start preparing for it, and then get comments here and there/advice/input that doesn't really match up to what you are thinking and how you are feeling. You know?  Whatever. I'm gonna keep doing my thing. If that means I have to quiet down on certain topics of conversation with some people, so be it. If telling a friend that I'm feeling all sorts of emotions about moving elicits the response "well you knew what you were gettign yourself into marrying him", then fine. I won't go to that person anymore for the support or comforting words I am looking for. This parade is rain free and sunshine only. I want to stay tipsy with daydreaming and on the exciting things taking place now and down the road.  So please..keep the splashes of cold water at bay. :)  

Boston->Virginia->Louisiana..oh my!

Can I just bask in excitement for a minute on how excited I am to get out of Dodge for a couple weeks with my honey to see our friends and family from back home?!   This is the last time we will get to spend time with most of these people before we move across the world. It's still a surreal thought. Everyone always asks me how excited I am for the move ( I know, I'm straying a little from the topic), and right now my mind is on "business drive". I know I'm moving. I know it's just weeks away. I know everything we have to do to prepare, as I've made many lists (I'm the queen of list making). But I don't feel it yet! And that is driving me a bit nuts. It reminds me of wedding planning. I didn't get that excitement until every single thing on that list was checked off and the day finally arrived (to clear up, of course I was excited to marry Matt and for the wedding of my dreams...so I hope you get what I mean).  So I guess while I can still say, "oh, we still have this many weeks until we have to worry about that." "We still have a month and a half, it's not here yet". And then it will creep up. I guess once we hop in the car, packed up with our suitcases, Petrie's crate, us and the doggie, on our way to Seattle airport it will finally hit the butterflies in my tummy.

Anywhooo, we have a nice little visit planned. First: Boston.  Matt's sister is hosting a bon voyage shin dig at a local bar (my parents and two of my best friends are making the drive up) Saturday night. I will get to see and meet many of Matt's old friends and family, which I'm excited about!  Sunday, I believe, there is a BBQ and then I am off with my parents and friends to Virginia (Matt is staying behind a few days). On Sunday of Memorial Day weekend Matt and I hop in the car with my mom and head on down to good ol' Louisiana where my grandparents live! 

Here are some of the things I am looking forward to in these sixteen days:

• meeting Matt's friends/family
• hearing the majority of people around use words like "bah" and "potty" when trying to say "bar" and "party"
• a #43 (chipotle steak and cheese) from Jersey Mikes Subs (drooling)
• Daddy Soup (a soup my dad has always made..I've been calling it that since I could talk)
• sister's birthday
• spending time with mom and dad
• seeing my friend's little baby, Mateo
• seeing my friends (super excited!)
• karaoke for old time's sake at Green Turtle
• my first OB checkup to make sure my lady parts are in healthy shape for future family-makin'!
• DC/Adam's Morgan
• southern cookin'
• seeing my grand parents (Nanny and Papa)
• Papa's famous fried catfish

Those are just to name a few. Alright, y'all, I'm off to catch up on some Bachelorette then I'm off to bed! 

..and Lemonade Was Made!

Remember my last post where I talked about going with the flow and not stressing out so much about things? Well, I am really glad I followed my own advice otherwise I would have been stressing and freaking out for nothing! Matt, the super-amazing-pulling-rabbit-out-of-the-hat husband of mine managed to finagle a way to get both Peets and I on the same flight as him!

He called me Tuesday afternoon telling me to go to Petsmart to look for a certain sized carrier. He tells me, "if Petrie can manage to squeeze in a carrier and has the chance to ride with us, would you like that?". (well duh!)  I hightailed it to the store, frantic to find a carrier that met military airline standards yet could fit Petrie's big butt (even though he is Yorkie, the poodle in him makes him big! ) I found one, asked an employee to check him in it (the last thing I want is to be cruel to my pup..it's a long flight and at this point I have to decide: ride with us in a small space, or ride under the plan, unattended and scared, but in a big crate with his toys and treats?)  They assured me he just fits, which means he will be getting a good, short groomin' and a diet before we take off.(He will thank me later).    

See? In the end it all worked out. Even if it still were the case of me and the pup riding on another airline, that would have been manageable, but in this case, we three are happy to all be together. (phew). 


Along with figuring that out, Matt has also figured out some other shortcuts to make our transition easier:

1. he is going to get an international driver's license at AAA before we head out (so once we get there we can just buy a car and drive it off the lot. Worry about the official Okinawa driver's license later. sweet.)
2. he is going to ship one of his checked luggage off to Japan before we even leave for the airport, so that's less luggage-carrying we will have to be doing (and that saves $$$ on me checking a third suitcase...don't judge..I have many clothes)
3. he tells me we will get all of our belongings 48-72 hours after moving into our new home (ya..after all the stories I hear from other wives, that is something I will have to see to believe!)

I gotta tell ya, every now and then I have what feels like a physical panic/anxiety attack. I cannot pinpoint it. My body just starts feeling rigid, I feel hot, can't sit still, I feel the need to keep taking deep breaths, all in all I just feel uncomfortable. Almost like if I screamed into a pillow or just stomped my feel like a toddler throwing a fit then I would feel better. (am I the only one?) Well, crazy or not, my honey sure does know how to be my human Xanax. He lays me down, wraps me in his arms, and tells me step by step what he is going to take care of, and what we have to look forward to. He tells me to not worry about any documents, he has it all taken care of (I hope...knowing men I have a feeling I am going to have to do some double checking!) , he tells me the flights are booked, he is going to rent a big SUV so we can have a kick-ass road trip up to Seattle (where we are flying out of ), he tells me his plans of getting license, phone, sending luggage off...all he wants me to do is research all the nearby beaches that we have to put on our 1-Month-Bucket-List.  Oh, and research all the neat tours that they have (preferably getting the alcohol-related ones out of the way first...for "duh" reasons....did you know they have a pineapple winery/vineyard? YUM!).   So, knowing that my only duties from here on out are to look up beaches and fun tours, I shouldn't have a care in the world anymore and just trust that Matt has this all in control. 

The Okinawa dreams have started....the last time I had reoccurring dreams recently was when the wedding was getting closer and closer (OK OK..and baby dreams..have tons of those. Is it weird that it's always almost impossible to hold/pick up the baby? Like it has oil all over it or it weighs a ton. HM..)....looks like our move is having the same impact. Eeep! :D 

Until tomorrow...Night all!

When Life Gives Ya Lemons..Or Something Like That

Knowing this big move coming up would be trying on the emotions, nerves, etc etc, I have been trying to better myself in the "just-go-with-it" department (gotta say, it ain't easy sometimes!).  I know to expect many wrenches to be tossed our way (I would like to think I'm gettin' pretty good at dodging them by now..maybe I should join dodge ball?!) I know to plan the best we can, be prepared for the worst and just keep our little fingers crossed for the best.  I was given a test today.

Matt and I woke up on our little air mattress. Lazy Sunday. Snuggled the pup, talked about the fun (and what ended up being a crazy/drama-filled nightcap at the cinco de mayo party...story for a later time) we had the day before, discussed the plans for the day. All that good stuff.  Then he looks at me. "Babe..we have an issue with the flights. I'm gonna give you some options, so here me out. There are no more available doggie spots left on our military flight to Japan."  Me, "you're joking with me, right?!"   Matt, "I'm sorry babe. Our choices are, we leave Petrie behind and bring him out with us later, or I can put you two on a commercial flight, but I won't be with you. My orders to go on that military flight from Seattle."  Obviously I am not leaving my dog behind, so the only choice is to fly alone. This is where the test comes into play. Where the lemons can be made into lemonade, tequila training wheels, lemon ice tea, whatever you love lemon in, or where they can be used straight up to put that sour puss on your face. 

 Ok, I will admit, I teared up a little because I was so darned disappointed that Matt can't be with me. I hate flying. Well, I hate that I get anxious on the flights, even though I tell myself "everything will be okay, for cryin' out loud!". The anxiety does not deter me from going places (hello, for a year and a half Matt and I did the long distance thing..I flew out to see him every month when possible). I just hate not being able to control that anxious feeling! Sure, Xanax works, Nyquil, a drink, having a tv (yay Jet Blue!) but all that is forced. Okay, so I teared up (sniff sniff)  then got to business asking all the questions I had: does the military still pay for my commercial airline? (yes). Can we maybe see about upgrading me to more legroom since I cannot prepare myself to drape my legs over yours? (yes). Will I have someone help me with my three suitcases, two carry-ons, pillow, and Petrie with his crate? (yes, yes, yes and yes.) Is everything going to be okay? (everything will be perfect. I will meet you at a designated spot at the airport in Okinawa and we will greet each other with our first big Oki kiss..) More questions about layover, where I'm flying out of, etc etc.  Great. Good. Everything is going to be great. It sucks I won't have Matt there to share that experience of looking out our plane window to see the island and the beautiful waters for the first time. That would be nice, but it certainly doesn't ruin anything. I would love to have someone's hand to squeeze when there is turbulence. Looks like the neighbor will have to indulge me (haha). 

I'm tired of being stressed about things that are out of my control.  I want to just take things as they come. Worry about the things and people in my life that/who matter, and shrug off the crap that isn't worth wrinkles. Ya dig?   

My countdown widget on my phone says 57 more days until the move. That is one month and some change. Or a little less than two months. However you want to look at it! Either way, time is flyyyyyin' and I am so ready to get outta here and explore!