The Year of Firsts

My goal for 2012 is to really savor everything about this year (well, really this started back on my wedding day).  This is the year of "firsts" for the Mr. and I as husband and wife (and many occasions are firsts since dating).  Our first Thanksgiving and Christmas ever together. First NYE as a married couple.  This is the first time we find out  where we are getting stationed next.  This year will be the first year we move for his next duty station.  There are so many things happening in a 365 day time frame that Matt and I will have the pleasure of discovering and enjoying together. Both the great and the trialing times (what if this is the first year we experience a deployment together?).   With my husband by my side, a wonderful family and a strong group of amazing friends I say, "I'm ready for you, 2012...bring it!"

YUT!

I was talking with my dad earlier today about some of the stuff I have been learning about the Marine Corps and I have come to the conclusion that the Marines are seriously a breed of their own.  Somehow, my dad and I got on the topic of where "Oorah" derived. I mean, where did this term come from?! Google has many different answers..is it really a shortened version of the "mocking" of the sound a submarine makes before going under water? Is it just a noise?   Researching all this with my dad reminded me of something from the USMC Ball Matt and I went to this year. The guest speaker of the ceremony read a quote by an anonymous Canadian citizen who talks about the Marines. In it, he mentions the sounds they make and, honestly, as soon as he said it the whole room filled with all sorts of noises (or grunts, if you will): "Oorahh", " 'Rah!", "Errrrr", "YUT!!"  I have to say, this memory always makes me giggle. It always makes me fall in love with the Marine Corps a little more. It's silly, but it's one of those moments..one of those unrehearsed moments..where all the Marines just know..they all came together like a pack of weird animals and grunted one of the four accepted calls (there could be more, but that's what really stuck in my head!).   I asked Matt what "yut!" even means (google gives a few more theories). His answers are usually pretty short, simple and straight to the point and comes with examples that help the lowly citizen understand (that's me.) [ I will insert his answers tomorrow when I can correctly quote him ]    Aaaanyway...I thought it was pretty funny and pretty fantastic to experience some of the nitty gritty of the Devil Dogs. I especially like the quote the speaker used:

Anonymous Canadian Citizen wrote....

"Marines are about the most peculiar breed of human beings I have ever witnessed.  They treat their service as if it were some kind of cult, plastering their emblem on almost everything they own, making themselves up to look like insane fanatics with haircuts to ungentlemanly lengths, worshiping their Commandant almost as if he were a god, and making weird animal noises like a band of savages.  They'll fight like rabid dogs at the drop of a hat just for the sake of a little action, and are the cockiest sons of bitches I have ever known. Most have the foulest mouths and drink well beyond a man's normal limits, but their high spirits and sense of brotherhood set them apart and, generally speaking, the United States Marines I've come in contact with are the most professional soldiers and the finest men I have ever had the pleasure to meet."

Oorah! 'Rah! Errrr! Yut!  Semper Fi...

Preggers? In My DREAMS!

You ever have those dreams that just seem so real you have to double check yourself when you wake up to make sure you are still safe and sound in your snuggley bed?  Well, I keep having those and they are the reoccurring kind. I'm one of those people who pay attention to signs. I sometimes read up on what a certain dream may mean.  If I have a dream about holding a baby and can't seem to get a good grasp on it, I know it most likely means that in reality I feel there is a responsibility I have that is weighing me down, or I am afraid of.  That's just a for instance.

Well, lately, the past few weeks I have had vivid dreams of being pregnant. I never, ever actually have the baby but I look down and all of a sudden I am four months pregnant. Sometimes, I'm seven. Sometimes, I find out it's "time" and I have to go to the hospital. Other times, I find out on a pregnancy stick and I panic about how I am going to tell Matt.  I wake up every time and rub my hand on my stomach to make sure it was just a dream (though it doesn't help if I pigged out that night...I may actually feel like I'm a few months along! ha).  It leaves a lingering thought in my head: What does it all mean? Does it mean that it's deep in my mind knowing that I'm now married and the next step the baby carriage? Does it mean that I am really ready and want to try soon? Does it mean that I'm, in reality, scared of getting pregnant?  I don't know what it means.  Maybe it's preparing me for the idea of it. I dream it enough, I get used to it, so when I find out in the real Lauren Land, it won't be so much of a shock or a panic moment. Does anyone else get these pregnancy dreams? Any insight?

While I'm on the topic of pregnancy, I'd like to mention that I find it amusing when one gets married one of the first questions people ask is, "SO...when are you guys going to start having babies?!" Ha ha..I know that's especially on my mom's mind (I don't blame her, she loves her grand-babies and wants more! She's a wonderful Nana so I am more than happy to give her more!).  I know a lot of responses, when asked, are "we haven't even thought about it, we just got married! We're going to take our time."  I have my answer prepared, since Matt and I have actually discussed when we may want to start building our family ( I know, serious stuff!).  Originally, we decided that at the one-year mark we will have that serious discussion and see whatever doctor we need to see to make sure I am healthy and on the vitamins I need to be on (off birth control, of course) and then leave it in the hands of God.

Why wait a year? To some, a year is quick, to others it may seem like a long wait (on a side note, I was told by someone right before we got married that we should wait to have kids. I've been told this before by others, but their reasoning was so that we could enjoy one another and have a little fun. But, this person said "you should wait to have kids..not have them right away...to make sure you guys work out first. Really?! Well that's a vote of confidence in our love for each other! People...). Well, there is so much going on during this first year of us being hitched that the timing just doesn't seem to fit. I know what you may be thinking: you will never find a "right" time!   Which, yes, life does throw a lot of curve balls such as not being completely financially prepared, the living situation, moving up in career, etc.   But for us, I think it's more about the fact that we know we will be re-stationing late spring/early summer. What if we move to Hawaii? Japan? Across the country? I'd rather not be 7-8 months along for such a big potential move..packing, the actual physical trip, unpacking and then trying to nest? It's just so much!  I think that's my main reason for waiting.  After we move and get settled in, I think that's when I would like to have the talk with Matt. He is excited and ready and prepared whether it's tomorrow, five months, or a year from now (I think that's sweet!).  The tough thing about military livin' is deployments (duh). Do we wait and see when he may deploy (since he finds out a few months in advance) or do we just chance it?  It's a big and stressful decision.  One, I guess, I will think about later. No sense in getting anxiety over it, now!

It's Sunday Funday for some, it's laundry and cleaning and baking for me.  My best friend of 20ish years is coming into town Tuesday and I want the place to look nice (since it's the first home I've had outside of living with my parents...who I miss, by the way)! 

Things NOT to say to a military wife...

Things NOT to say to a military wife...
Found this on a blog and thought I'd share it since I've encountered quite a few of these since being engaged to Matt!!
*I would also like to not that I do not find all the things on here offensive. Some are "duh" questions and others I think are just a little thoughtless. I understand, that like in death, people are trying to say the "right" thing or be supportive in the way/s they know how...and a lot of the time it's just a "foot in mouth" kind of moment.  That being said, I really try not to get irritated/annoyed/upset/offended when someone says something similar to what's here.  I think until you are really in a situation, you just don't know how to put yourself in that person's shoes.
     **the comments made after the Things Not to Say came with the blog...my additional notes will be after the ** and will be italicized and signed by me.

     1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"

     (This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought          

     always lingers at the backs of our minds -- but thanks, brilliant, you just brought it back to the front.

     Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.

     2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."

     (This is intended to be a compliment. Though, it's just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us

     military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious, single moms who

     carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter

     that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So, we rose to the challenge

     and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

            **For the record, this one does not bother me. Unless the context says otherwise. ~Me

     3. "At least he's not in Iraq."

     (This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do

     they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over

     there.)

            **Amen! ~Me

     4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"

     (Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask  

     again)

            **I'll admit...I have asked Matt before...and that's because I genuinely did not know. I don't 

     think everyone just KNOWS when they can and cannot come home. A friend of mine told me that 

     in her husband's branch of the military, a man's deployment can be pushed back if his wife is 

     pregnant so he can be there for the birth. I asked Matt if this applied to him, too, and he told me 

     that the Marines don't have that. I'm still learning, and I try to give others that extra space to 

     learn, too. But, I can also see how this question, asked often enough, can get irritating. 

     5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"

     (Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy."

     6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"

     (This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

     7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."

     (Sure, we do learn coping skills and it's true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier

     dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make like go smoother while the guys are gone. But

     it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there

     before. The worry never goes away.)

            **I have yet to experience a deployment, but I feel sorry for the person who tells me this down the road! Along with that, one week, one month, six months, a year..any length of deployment is scary and hard. It's not a contest who's husband has deployed or been away longer than the other. No one ever wants their spouse to be put in harms way, no matter the time frame.  So, I'd appreciate comments, like "Well...6 months? It could be longer, at least it's not a whole year or more!" to be held back. People apparently DO say these things! A friend of mine is going through her third deployment with her husband and she told me a lady told her "oh 6 months is not a long time" (or something to that nature) the day after he deployed.  Ignorance really gets me...~Me

     8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."

     (This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to

     London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 6-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the

     obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D..your

     husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to..he flew comfortably on a commercial plane,

     slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no

     comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we

     probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 months combat deployment to a few weeks business  

     trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)

     9. "Wow you must miss him?"

     (This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

     10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"

     (I don't expect non-military folk to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by

     now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada

     al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that

     Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has

     been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not

     secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day --and on maps everywhere.)

            **The response to that may be a little harsh. I am geographically challenged and while I have 

       HEARD of these places, I couldn't tell you exactly where they are (though I do know where Iran is and that is IS a threat to our country).  I think the intention is good and it is just polite conversation. But again, I'm sure spouses of deployed men hear this question A LOT and it could get tiresome. ~Me

     11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there."

     (Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

            **I'm going to piggy-back off this and add "You knew what you were getting yourself into"

     (in response to me expressing whatever feelings I'm having about military life): I feel I have 

     heard this A LOT in the past year since moving to California. I didn't weigh the pro's and con's of 

     being married to Matt. You love who you love, you don't try to make it "logical". I didn't care, I 

     fell in love with him. He just so happens to be a Marine. So, ya ya ya, while I knew what I was 

     "getting myself into", it does not make the idea of deployments/future moves around the country 

     (or world)/raising kids on my own/being away from my family and life long friends/etc. any easier. 

     And, you know, it's just not a very supportive thing to say..I can think of a hundred acceptable 

     words of support and encouragement that are not "you knew what you signed up for". True, I'm 

     more prepared to brace myself to cope than if it was completely sprung upon me, but one can only 

     prepare so much. Just food for thought! :) ~Me

     12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"

     (hmmmm, no I don't miss sex, I'm a robot. Seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships

     must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply

     hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth

     is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)

            **they make toys for that. ~Me

     13. "Well, in my opinion....."

     (Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political

     debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a restaurant when I'm

     out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers

     about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking

     care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues

     because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how

     much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office

     microwaves.)

            **Well, unless it's a good friend or someone who knows your business, I don't know how 

     those topics would come up in those kinds of places, but I'm all for getting opinions that are 

    supportive. But I get what the person here is saying. I've never been through a deployment so I 

    can't really speak from that angle. ~Me

     14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"

     (He's doing his job and he's tough. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your  

     comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

            **Eh, I personally think the response to that may be a little harsh. I think mainly because of the "comfortable American lives" comment..you can't always assume that someone hasn't gone through really, really hard times...just because they may not be in a military family does not mean they are comfortable. That part bothers me, obviously the writer is irritated. Moving on.... in the right context, I don't have a problem with this statement. I would not take it the wrong way if I called my friend up saying that my husband is getting deployed and she says "oh Lauren I'm sorry!". Well, of course she doesn't have to be sorry, for the reasons stated above. BUT, I can understand someone being sad/sorry that  half my heart is going away, and towards danger..and that I may miss Christmas, or our birthdays, or some other special day with him...or what if I'm pregnant and he's away? I think someone can genuinely be sorry that I will be going through a hard time, as well as the love of my life.   But Matt had a different response, and I think he understands that in a different context it can be taken as a typical knee-jerk response and that it DOES bother spouses. It's like "what are you sorry for?" and in times the response is more like "uh...well I'm not but that sucks." (duh). He explained it better to me than I can relay on here. I guess I will understand when the time comes. But as I think about it now, women I know who have told me their beloved is deploying, I don't I ever told them I was sorry. I am pretty sure my first response is "Oh goodness, when is he supposed to leave? If there is anything I can do for you, you just let me know. I'm always here."  I guess just offering your support is the most you can do. And ya, I'll say "I'm so sorry" when down the line the female is talking about how hard it is, how much she misses him..What else can you say? I AM sorry you're hurting :(   I am here for you.      But, again, this is all just my opinion. 

Military livin' ain't easy! But, boy, is it an adventure...